Overheard...

We've finished our first week of school.  I have nine students, but that hasn't stopped me from working hard or being completely exhausted!  It was a good week of getting to know each other.  I overheard several comments this week that had me laughing...

"So, is your combine a two header...or one?"

"Mrs. Voth, I'm not like your average human..."

"Attention.  Pollute.  Pledge."

On the home front, we're running out of clean unmentionables, so it's time to do laundry.  Again.  My house looks like a tornado came through, but that's part of life.  For now.  The family is loved, fed, and relatively happy.  Clean underwear does wonders for morale.  As does adequate amounts of sleep.  Which I am sadly lacking.

What has kept me going these past few weeks is this book and a wonderful group of women to share life with.  We encourage one another, remind each other that we're "normal" (whatever THAT is!), and laugh at the fact that our husbands neglect to help with housework - not because they're trying to be mean and thoughtless, but because they simply don't SEE the mess that bothers us! I am blessed beyond and leave feeling "filled up" each time. 

Last year I read this book and my journey to "1000 gifts" is almost complete.  Today #767 - In my learning God is teaching.  My middle child.  My glass-half-empty child.  The one who pushes my buttons.  The one I have to breathe deep and ask patience for.  The one I ask repeatedly, "What's one GOOD thing you can say? do? think of?"  She was thankful.  For the small thing.  But what a big step.

I got a new toy.  And I am loving it.  And I am thankful for a husband who worked hard to provide, and blessed me with a new laptop.  Want to know my favorite thing?  So far?  The sticky notes.  I can make lists to my heart's content.  I have never been happier. 

Decluttering my mind...a little

It's hard to believe there are only 6 weeks left of school. I'm not sure where this year has gone, but it has gone by fast to be sure. I still love teaching & I feel like I have begun to find my "groove". And by "my groove", I mean living a messy, disorganized life where I say, "Oops, sorry...I forgot!". A lot. But I guess in the big scheme of things...it's not the end of the world. Plus I keep reminding myself that I will have two whole months to do nothing but get organized again. Haha! ;)

My students make me smile everyday. I wish I had been more intentional about writing things down, but I can't always stop in the middle of teaching to do that. Some of my favorites this past week were...

"It's so sunny, I need to put on sun SCREAM."

"Dear God, I just ask that any of my cats that are still alive...that they will just come home..."

Noah made me laugh one night when I was tucking him in for bed. I teased, asking if he was stinky & needed a shower. He answered with "I need some deodorant." WHY? "So I can get used to the smell." Wasn't prepared for that reason. So I asked WHY? again. "When we were playing dodge ball (with the jr. high kids) the big kid standing next to me had deodorant on & it was REALLY strong! So I need to wear it now so I can get used to how it smells." The conversation that proceeded was about AXE and jr. high boys' obsession with trying to smell good, but smelling stinky in the process! ;)

My mommy-heart burst with pride to watch my kids pass the finish line yesterday. The boys ran a mile race & Noah came in 3rd place (12 & under category). Grace ran a 5K with her daddy & came in 1st place (12 & under) with a time of 29:32. They have been working hard in preparation and are excited about the "next time".

Seeking order

I think sometimes my compulsion to organize is driven because everything in my life seems to be spinning out of control.

Organizing brings order to chaos.

At least a small portion of it.

Very small.

Guilty pleasure...

I love curling up on the couch with a good book. Especially in the winter. A nice heavy blanket, a warm cup of hot chocolate, and a good book. It doesn't get much better than that. If it's a really good book, I'll stay up half the night to finish it. And to be honest, I'll even neglect my house (and meal prep) and just indulge.

These days, I'm lucky if I can sit down & have peace to focus on things that are important - like devotions, balancing the checkbook, paying bills, responding to emails, etc. It would be so much simpler if my children didn't ask as many questions as they do - "Can I please...?" "Where is...?" "Now can I go...?" I can't tell you how many times this summer I have tried to ban inquiries. It's completely fruitless. Hopeless. Pointless. The first question I get is "Why can't I ask you any more questions?"

So if accomplishing menial tasks requires some quiet, I can't expect there to be any for something as leisure as reading. Until today.

We have enjoyed many books-on-tape on road trips & as a family, and I've listened to books in my kitchen while I work. But today I pulled out my daughters "out-dated" CD walkman, plugged in my earphones, crammed the walkman in my pocket & got to listen to my story as I went about my day. I loved being able to multi-task & still enjoy a "guilty pleasure".

And the best part?

I don't have to answer all those questions. After a couple "Huh?" questions of my own...they give up & go figure out the answer for themselves.

Thoughts in my head...

I'm just coming off a 10-day vacation & trying to get back into a routine...whatever that is. I'd really like to avoid all laundry & housework, but I don't think that's very realistic. Especially since I keep tripping over all the laundry & whatnot.

Words like "whatnot" are what come from watching too many episodes of The Office and Scrubs while trying to avoid housework. Obvi! (Thank you, Joy the Baker , for new fun terms like "boom" and "whateves".)

Did you know it's hard to grill chicken when the gas isn't hooked up to the grill? Pan-fried, anyone?

We'll be eating potatoes, onions, and zucchini for the next 3 weeks straight. I'm so thankful for our bountiful garden, I just wish it was a little more varied & didn't produce quite so many at the same time! I like zucchini about once a week, thank you very much.

Our girls are off to camp & it's weird to have an incomplete family. Seems off-balance. I miss them already & can't wait for them to come home.

I learned something new last week about my cousin-in-law. (Is that even a term?) She's amazingly talented. This should be no surprise, but it was the first I learned of her craftiness. Not the sneaky, evil kind. I'm a little obsessed with these magnets. They are way cute! And the little baby booties & made me wish I was having another baby. But just for a minute.

My sister-in-law, who I already knew was crafty, (and YES, I mean the sneaky, evil kind!) ;)taught me how to make magazine bead bracelets. We had fun being irresponsible together. At least it felt that way. I had no clue where my children were, I didn't make my bed, and I didn't make any meals. (Thanks, Bill!) I rewarded my irresponsible behavior with 4 great water bottles, which I proceeded to melt in our dishwasher the first time I washed them! Oops.

I really, really miss Tennessee. Mostly I miss the weather. Mainly because it's one hundred and sixty nine degrees here. Seriously. I love being home again, but does it have to be so stinkin' hot? I'll be forced to walk around in my bathing suit all day at this rate. Oh, wait. That's what I did in Tennessee. Maybe that's what I miss...

Tuesday's child...

...is full of grace.

Today I recieved what I didn't deserve, but I couldn't be more thankful for this day at home.

A chance to get much needed work done...

Thank you, State Department of Education, for completely overwhelming me with your impossible process...

A moment to think and to do a little of this ...

Thank you, God, for helping me get my perspective back into focus...

A day to enjoy my thrift store gift & "find"...and drink a lot of this...

Thanks, Beth, this one's my favorite & reminds me of how blessed I am with family & friendships...
An opportunity to steal my husband's wool socks and snuggle up to the heater...

Thanks, honey, for providing wonderfully for our family...

And just enjoy today.

Rosita Fresita!

This is a picture of my sweet girls from 2003. Abbie was 5 & Grace was 2.
Noah saw this picture & chuckled, "Huh, Grace is a dog, and Abbie's...um...a Mexican with freckles?"

I still can't stop laughing about it.

Delusional...

Not sure if it's from being sick all week or cabin fever, but we've got the giggles going on at our house.

Abbie, Phil & I were having a "serious" conversation until she said, "...and sometimes they have the assumiation that..." We started laughing & soon she was laughing so hard she fell off the couch!

After learning that Noah's still running fever, he declared: "I feel like I'm going down hill." Phil: "So you're feeling worse?" Noah: "No...I actually feel like I'm going down a hill...like on a sled."

We had Daniel check his temp & soon he was complaining tight-lipped, "It's not beeping!" Only to discover we hadn't turned the thermometer on!

Dealing with disappointment...

Right now we're supposed to be in our van, bundled and buckled up, and headed for Colorado.

We were going to see aunts and uncles, and great-aunts & uncles (you get "greater" the older you get!), cousins & second-cousins. We were going skiing, and sledding, and snowman makin'. We had our bags packed and our minds filled with expectations...

But sometimes what's "supposed to" happen, doesn't. Our dreams of skiing dissolved when the flu bug walked into our house & took us down one at a time. Fever, and chills, and cough, and runny nose...it's not a pretty sight.

It's hard to deal with disappointments. Big and little ones. When things don't turn out the way we've planned or the way we think they should. It's hard to see God's plan in the disappointments...or if there is one. It's something I have to take by faith sometimes, because I may never know the reason. Even for something as small as a ski trip.

So I lean hard into God. And I tell him about my disappointment. Because I know He cares.

Even about ski trips.

Compliment?

Recently it seems like I've had to spend a lot of time disciplining. I don't know whether it has to do with being cooped up because of the weather, or if it's a part of growing up, but the kids love to push each other's buttons, irritate, aggravate, and be down right mean to one another. I've preached plenty about love & kindness, but my words seem to fall on deaf ears. So then I have to take drastic measures & get creative.

My daughter was teasing her brothers, hiding toys from them on purpose, and delighting in their frustration. She hates to be alone, so I gave her a "time out" in a room all by herself & quoted Proverbs 21:9 - that it is better to live alone in an attic than with a quarrelsome woman - and reminded her that she would soon be playing alone because her siblings will not want to play with someone who irritates "just because". Those 10 minutes were misery for her, but she came back to apologize to her brothers & came in tears to tell me...

"Sometimes I think you're the meanest mom ever! But I know it's because you love me & you want me to learn a lesson."

Monday...

I’m in my kitchen frying pancakes. Frying pancakes is a mindless activity and my brain is going bloggy bananas. So I found a laptop (Thank you, Dad, for your hand-me-downs!) and my mind is beginning to relax.

We were all little disappointed this morning that school wasn’t cancelled. It was snowing, but the roads weren’t bad enough to justify a snow day. But Phil made up for it by arriving home shortly after we did. His excitement was contagious, and we all loaded up in the van & headed to “the sledding hill”, which isn’t really a hill at all, but a highway overpass. This is the first year we’ve had real sleds. We’ve always had make-shift sleds – pieces of cardboard, trays, cookie sheets, anything flat or smooth that we think will work. But we found a great deal on saucer sleds before Christmas & the boys were excited to try out their gifts. Especially since snow in Oklahoma is a rare thing!

An hour later, the kids were happy, rosy-cheeked and tired, and I felt refreshed after some much needed quiet time in the van. Phil went back to work to tie up loose ends, the kids got busy on homework, and I tackled the mess in my kitchen.

The pancakes are just about done…and I am too. An empty brain and a full stomach bring balance to life.

Why I am thankful for my "full-time" job

Lately it hasn't felt like I have been working full-time. When my little guy is sick or has a Dr's appointment, I get the day off. Though unfortunately, it's not the best circumstances for him, I have been thankful that I've yet to work a 5 day week. Having a flexible schedule has allowed me to go on some of my kids' field trips, catch up on housework & secretarial duties, and curl up on the couch with a good book. I'm also thankful that my little guy requires a nap in the afternoons. The teacher & I have discussed cutting this out, but when we do it proves disastrous. That boy needs his nap! ;) So I help the teacher with grading papers & have about 20 min. left to just relax. I bring my MP3 player and a book of Sudoku to work with me. Ahh...contentment.

So, thanks God, for this day off. You knew I needed it! ;)

Life...as I now know it...

When I took this job in August, I imagined how my life would change...

Five days a week I care for a 5 year old boy with Downs syndrome. But there is nothing "down" about it. He's loving, silly, smiley, cuddly, and a lot of fun. He's a stinker too, for sure, but the good far outweighs the bad. Even on the hard days. And there are a lot of them.

I pick him up every morning at his home, which provides a neat opportunity to get to know his family, and for them to get to know me in turn. Some mornings he's ready to go, and other mornings, like this morning, he is kicking & screaming all the way to the car. We drive 20 minutes to school. Some times we listen to the radio, some times he sleeps and I enjoy the quiet, and every day I have the chance to pray over him and our day before it begins.

We hit the ground running once we get to school. Breakfast, attendance, recess, Speech, and Occupational therapy. 2 hours in and we're working one-on-one: counting, matching, cutting, drawing, grasping, rolling, tracing, sorting...and fighting. Usually he's fighting against what I want him to do. He has every excuse in the book. His tummy hurts, his leg hurts, he's hungry, he's tired, he can't. But my job is to stretch him and teach him and challenge him that he can.

By lunch I can see the end in sight. Another recess and then rest time, my favorite time of the day! I've gotten smart & we do exercises before we lay down to read a book. So instead of listening to him cuss me out for those 10 minutes, we're both getting a work-out & he takes a better nap! ;) Then there are centers and worksheets in the classroom, one last recess, and time to pack up & head home. Another quiet ride home and my day is done...

Not exactly. Once I drop my little guy off at his home, I have a few more minutes of respite before I start my second job. Or should I say, my primary job? And so begins the whirlwind of homework, supper, baths, stories, and bedtime. Deep breath. The kids are in bed. Now what? There's laundry, bills, dishes, piles, email...does it ever end?

None of this should surprise me.

I imagined how busy life would be. I've admired other moms who juggle work & home. But in my fantasy world I had endless energy to maintain it all. I hadn't anticipated what I would be giving up. An organized house for one. And you all know how the lack of it drives me bananas. ;) Free time. Time with friends over a cup of coffee, or over a sale rack at Old Navy, or over a plethora of card stock & scrap paper, or over a piece of pie. I love pie.

Life as I now know it is a little crazy. Well, maybe a lot. But I'm learning some things along the way. I'm learning that I can accept an unorganized home, even if I have to take some deep breaths. I'm learning laundry piles make people feel at home, because chances are they have them too! Supper doesn't have to be fancy. I've never heard the kids complain about Mac 'n' cheese or Ramen or Spaghetti or Pizza. And we're learning to all pitch in as a family to get things done.

So it's not what I anticipated.

But that's okay.

So...what was I saying?

I'm beginning to feel like this blog is a conversation.

A conversation that keeps getting interrupted.

Interrupted with solving Math questions, refereeing arguments, doctoring wounds, responding to email...voicemail...snail mail, balancing checkbooks, typing estimates & invoices, paying bills, folding laundry, cooking meals...

...answering question, after question, after question...

Soon I can't remember what I was talking about in the first place.

And then it just takes too much energy to even go there...to talk...to explain.

After I've been quiet for a while, it's hard to know where to start. Do I tell what happened last month? Last week? Or just stick to today?

And since the TV is on in the backround...I'm not really sure whether this all makes sense.

So...what I was saying? Anyway...

Today...

...my youngest child was awake before 6am & was testing out various flashlights in his bed.

...I made him climb into bed with us & threatened him with silence, in the hopes of sleeping just five more minutes!

...I realized that trying to quiet a 5 year old is near impossible.

...I regretted agreeing to sub for a PE teacher yesterday. After countless jumping jacks, windmills, cherry pickers, and sit-ups...I am sore!

...I started a new job, as a teacher's assistant, assigned to a little boy with Downs syndrome.

...that little boy called me a "b----" when I told him to pick up the crayons he threw down.

...that boy gave me a hug & said, "I'm sorry". I like hugs. Especially from cute little repentant boys.

...I tried to learn the names of 25 other Kindergartners.

...I decided it was acceptable to say "you" & point, this first day on the job.

...my children's teachers should be thanking me that I gave my children simple names.

...this kitten peed on my shirt. He's pretty cute, even though he mews incessantly. But I'm still changing my shirt & taking a shower asap.

...we are having pizza for supper, even though I planned a menu on Monday & was all organized & such. But I wasn't a "workin' woman" on Monday. I was a lady of leisure...you know what I mean!

...bedtime won't come soon enough.

...I'm thankful tomorrow is a new day.

Changes? Oh, okay...nevermind.

This week has been an odd mix of preparations, flexibility, uncertainty, and waiting...

Monday the kids went back to school, and I sat down to think through what I wanted to accomplish this week...and ultimately, this year. I tried to think about this over the summer, but have you tried to think with four kids running around? It just doesn't happen. You can think about what to make for lunch, or whether you should go to the library or swimming, but that's about it.

Anyway, I had worked some last year on what it would take to finish my teaching requirements. I had been accepted through an online school that promised a degree with just 30 credit hours necessary to complete my teaching degree. But before I went through the financial paperwork, I thought I would contact the State Department of Education to see what their requirements were.

To make a long story shorter, I found out some new information - if I could get a job working as a teacher's assistant & get the training to become a para-professional, I would be eligible to take the test to become licenced by next summer. After that, I would need to get a teaching job (Hillsdale Christian, where the kids attend, would qualify as a "State Recognized School"), complete 12 hours of coursework, and be reviewed by a board in order to complete the requirements necessary to get a teaching certificate - a 3 year process.

I found out through our local School Board offices, that the only teacher's assistant positions available were in Special Education. I had filled out an application earlier this summer, but then went to various schools to deliver my resume & talk to the principals. School starts on Wednesday & many won't know what positions are available until they finish their registration process.

I was called in for an interview on Friday, for a position working one-on-one with children diagnosed with autism or aspergers. The school is nearby & ideal for dropping off/picking up our own kids. The interview went really well & I was fairly certain I had gotten the job. I came home & kicked into "productivity" mode. (This is different than "panic" mode - it's more of a "Okay, time to get to work" mode!) There was a lot that needed to be done if I would start work on Monday. By Saturday afternoon, I got the call back that though the interview went really well, they hired people with more teaching experience. However, one of the people they hired is pregnant & may be put on "bed rest" by her doctor, so if that happens...they'll call me.

Confident...then disappointed. Bummed. Wanting to be hopeful, but not counting on it. It's one of those things that is completely out of my control, so all I can do is say, "Okay, God..."

Now what? I have been offered a job, teaching 2 year olds 2 days/week for a Mother's Day Out program. But the questions still remain. Is this the best thing for me right now? For our family? Do I continue to pursue other positions? Do I submit applications to substitute?

Now what?

In the midst of the uncertainties, decisions, & questions, I'm grateful I don't have to have all the answers. I have to keep placing my rambling thoughts & concerns in my Father's hands. He knows what is around the bend, what is best, what I can handle right now.

He knows the plans he has for me...

...and I have to keep trusting that He will make that clear...if I can keep waiting on Him.

Not there yet...

Anyone who has taken a trip with kids expects the familiar question, "Are we there yet?" It's the one question that is never satisfied. Until we arrive at our destination, there is discontent...because we're not there yet. As parents, we plan & pack activities, snacks, DVDs...anything to distract from the length of the trip or inconvenience in the traveling.

I realize that in my anticipation of the arrival, I often forget to enjoy the journey. It's true that being cooped up or confined by a seat belt isn't very fun, but we've made a lot memories as a family when we take the side road & enjoy a moment to stop to look around.

I've been thinking a lot lately about this journey of life. Sometimes I think the road I'm traveling is filled with pits & potholes. I don't enjoy the journey. I don't understand why there need to be detours or maintenance. Some days it isn't fun & I feel trapped. I want to escape & allow myself to be distracted by other things. I don't know where I'm going & why I'm even on this crazy trip in the first place. I just want to hurry up, get it over with, & get there all ready.

Unfortunately...I'm not the one driving. Though I'd like to think I am sometimes. But I'm in the passenger seat, and as much as I protest & try to fight it...my driver knows where He's going, and He is in control...not me. He knows the road ahead, and there's a reason we're going this way. Yes, it may take a while, and the road doesn't promise to be a smooth one, but He is there with me on the journey. He has promised to be with me always & to give me the grace to endure the journey ahead. Even better, He throws in some sight-seeing. A chance to see His greatness in action, an opportunity to revel in His love & mercy.

So, here I am. I don't really know what lies ahead, but I'm trusting the One who does. Now it's time to release my fingernails from the dashboard & enjoy the ride.

On the road...again!

We're one week into summer vacation & I've been gone more than I've been home. I'm loving every minute of being away!! ;) We had fun in AR with Phil's brother & family. The guys worked on projects, the kids had fun playing with cousins, and I sewed to my heart's content. I haven't sat down to sew in a long time and it was fun start & finish several projects. I also got to spend time with my sister-in-law.

My life is blessed with six sister-in-laws. We are all so very different...controlling - passive-aggressive, pleaser - confrontational, workaholic - relaxed, diplomatic - intense, scatterbrained - organized, emotional - practical, dramatic - hilarious, keeper - thrower. It's a wonder we get along! But we do...and I've come to appreciate our differences and how we provide perspective & balance.

We came home from AR on Monday night. Tuesday I unpacked & packed again, as the girls & I left on Wed. morning for Dallas. I came to help pack for their move next week, but it's been a vacation too. The girls love playing the Wii & swimming; I was thrilled to browse through Target. I think I'll just travel the country visiting my sister-in-laws.

Just kidding, honey. I'm coming home. I promise.

Just not yet.

Distracted and discombobulated

Confession: It's been 4 days since we came back from camping & I am still unpacking & putting away camping related items. The laundry monster has taken over my bedroom, hallway, bathrooms, couch, and kitchen table. If anyone has any helpful tips on how to kill the thing, please let me know. I've considered joining a nudist colony. But eventually reason sets in, and I wonder what if I might want to wear a sweater once in a while. And then what?

We're leaving for AR tomorrow, so it's time to unpack from camping & pack for our trip. I should probably do some cleaning while I'm at it. I haven't had much motivation to clean my house. I've resigning myself to spend my days dwelling in a pig sty.

And before you tell me that I'm a busy mom with 4 kids and a million things "on my plate"...let me introduce you to my new friend...

She has 4 kids; the oldest is Grace's age (9) & the youngest is still crawling. They live just around the block from us, and our girls have become fast friends. They are a military family, attend the local Baptist church, and home school two of their children. It's been a couple of months since our girls started playing together & I decided it was time to meet her. I expected to visit in the front yard, where all mothers (who wouldn't be caught dead revealing their messy home) visit. But, no. She invited me in. And she gave me a tour. And she showed me her closets! I know, right? Who shows off their closets?!?

Her home was immaculate with vacuumed floors, and clean counters, and picked up toys, without laundry piles, or ironing piles, or paper piles, or trash piles. It was beautiful.

I came home, took one look at the clutter, dirt, and piles. I sat down on the couch, called my friend, Emily, and thanked her for having a cluttered, dirty home like me.

WHY?

Why? After telling the man from Citicard that I would like to close my account, did he try to convince me that it's a better idea to leave it open & continue to spend money?

Why? Did I have to repeat myself more than 7 times?

Why? Did I have to keep saying "NO...thank you."?

Why? Did the man get defensive when I told him that I respected his opinion, but wanted him to respect mine & please close my account?

Why? Wasn't it until I told the man I didn't appreciate him badgering me that he finally closed my account?!?!

WHY?!?! Did it take me getting irritated & forceful before he FINALLY DID WHAT I WANTED HIM TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Why? Couldn't he have just done it the first time & saved me the hassle?

I think I'll go clean something...now that I'm all hot & bothered.