still counting...

31 days are over, but the choice to praise carries on...

#1000  counting God's blessings - naming them one by one - being reminded of God's continual faithfulness, seeing how the habit of thankfulness has changed my perspective, kept my focus on Christ, reminded me of the TRUTH, and helped me to TRUST the One who gives, and who takes away - blessed is His Name.

the little things...

#972  wearing jeans to work
#973  being silly w/ my kids
#974  lil' "chef" - making peanut butter-honey crunch balls
#975  hot bowl of oatmeal w/ raisins on a cold morning
#976  bed head!  cute boy with crazy hair
#977  curry chicken
#978  fun night w/ a new friend
#979  electricity, dry home, family healthy & safe - praying for those living through the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy

for today...

#964  cold, gray day - smells like winter :)
#965  15 years of loving this man - dad, husband, lover & friend
#966  sweet eyes light up with understanding - excitement for learning
#967  talking through life issues - being heard and understood
#968  Sunday afternoon nap
#969  reading with the kids - all snuggled up under covers
#970  full moon - hidden behind clouds & trees, but brightly reflecting the sun
#971  Psalm 103:2 - I will bless the Lord and not FORGET the glorious things he has done

#957  cheering the kids on at their basketball games
#958  bedtime hugs & kisses
#959  clean clothes
#960  lessons from the life of Joseph - standing on faith & rising above
#961  unexpected call from a sweet friend, encouragement when I need it
#962  clearance sales :)
#963  God's perfect timing & provision

fighting for joy...

Several years ago our family drove out East for a family reunion.  We spent a day at Virginia beach, and I had fun watching our kids do this little "dance" as they would run into the water only to be chased back by the waves. 

I was content to sit on the beach and watch them.  I have trust issues.  Especially with murky water.  Blame it on years spent swimming in the Amazon, worrying about pythons and sting rays and schools of piranhas just waiting to eat me. 

Anyway.  I digress. 

It was a hot day, and I finally got up the courage to venture in.  The water felt wonderful, so I kept walking deeper...and deeper...

...until I was suddenly knocked down by a wave I hadn't seen coming.  I came up coughing and sputtering, trying to get rid of the bitter salt water I had just inhaled.  But before I could fully catch my breath, it happened again.  And then came the panic.  The desperate search for secure footing...

The last few days have felt that way.  I'm fighting exhaustion.  I'm fighting against anger and resentment.  I'm fighting to keep my head above water.  I'm fighting for joy...

#940  Psalm 28:7 - "The Lord is my strength and shield...I TRUST him...He helps me, and my heart is filled with JOY.  I burst out in songs of thanksgiving."
#941  bond of friendship - blessed beyond by these sisters going before the Father on my behalf
#942  rest
#943  reminder that I can face today with confidence because God is at my side
#944  my "special helper" - fun to spend a school day w/ Abbie
#945  delicious lunch from moms
#946  "Friday" on a Thursday
#947  community - camping w/ friends ("family")
#948  time to be away from all the have-to-dos
#949  giggling girls - sharing a tent & silly late night stories
#950  "fire boys" - ready @ a moment's notice for adventure
#951  clouds rolling past
#952  leaves rustling down - peaceful sight
#953  "best response to losses or thwarted hopes is PRAISE: The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)
#954  laughing w/ my sweetheart - can't see the good...especially without his glasses! :)
#955  beautiful sunrise to start the week - sky on fire w/ orange, yellow, and pink
#956  good night's rest - all night through

#939 Psalm 34:1-8

"I will praise the Lord AT ALL TIMES, I will constantly speak his praises.
I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart.
Come, let us tell of the Lord's greatness; let us exalt his name together.
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.  He freed me from all my fears.
Those who look to him for help will be RADIANT WITH JOY;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces. 
In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles.
For the angel of the Lord is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him.
Taste and see that the Lord is GOOD. 
Oh, the JOYS of those who take refuge in him."

in all things...

#932. this post - "Joy is the way to live bravest of all.  When you are giving everything you have, you can only take so much...Christ kneels close with arms stretched open wide: "Let me take the rest."
#933 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
#934 this song "higher than the mountains that I face...constant in the trial and the change..."
#935 trees ablaze with colors
#936 leftovers
#937 clean dishes
#938 home repairs

catching up...

The week has gotten away from me.  Thursday was fun and somewhat overwhelming at the same time, but I felt very loved.  And 37 doesn't seem bad when you can't ever remember how old you are, so you've been telling people you're 37 when you were still 36.  All I know is I'm not forty.  Yet.

#922 fun day at the farm
#923 cinnamon rolls & birthday celebrations
#924 relaxing night with my family
#925 electricity - took it for granted until it wasn't there :)
#926 learning to be flexible
#927 "Grammie" and her grandkids working together
#928 race well run father/daughter - so proud they finished strong!
#929 our pastor - speaking the truth of the Word
#930 "memory lane" - reminiscing over old home movies, enjoying this new season of  parenting
#931 bike rides w/ Grandpa

Today...

#915 aunt who loves-me-and-don't-forget-it! ;)
#916 flowers from a friend...just because
#917 text from my "quirky" Mom - celebrating a day early
#918 art projects
#919 ancient words...words of life, words of hope, give us strength, help us cope...
#920 kids that make me laugh everyday - the things they think of!
#921 coffee with friends

somedays...

somedays it's just too hard to be thankful...

somedays it's just easier to be discouraged...

to lose hope...

to lose sight of God...

what purpose He could possibly have in the midst of this messy life...

so that's when the roots dig deeper...

out of desperation...

"I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.  My body rests in safety...You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." - Psalm 16:8-9, 11

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." - Ephesians 3:16-17

#904 refreshed by God's Word - reminder to be thankful
#905 hugs - from a friend; from my kids, arms wrapped around tight
#906 soft scarf
#907 change of seasons
#908 lil' miss - that little voice & those facial expressions kill me!  hilarious...
#909 reading w/ the kids - sandwiched in under the covers
#910 relief from headache & a good night's sleep
#911 diet Pepsi ;)
#912 my job!
#913 clean counters & the husband who cleared them
#914 folded laundry

counting still...

#896 wearing jeans
#897 football game, surrounded by friends
#898 sand plum jelly
#899 jarred honey
#900 working in the kitchen with my girls
#901 kites
#902 warm blanket on a cold day, watching Jane Austen
#903 Noah completely engulfed in reading

#892 studying Scripture together - refreshed & renewed
#893 emails :)
#894 Jesus Calling- "When your life feels increasingly out of control, thank me...these are supernatural responses, and they can lift you up above your circumstances...affirm your trust in ME, regardless of how you feel...thank me for everything!" (Ephesians 5:20)
#895 free meat & beef enchiladas

Suffering...with JOY

 

"So you received the message with JOY from the Holy Spirit

in spite of the severe suffering it brought you." 1 Thessalonians 1:6

 

I read this post recently and it resonated with me.  Often I brush off what I'm going through because "it could be worse" or "it's nothing compared to...". 

 

Because I've never gone hungry.  I've never gone without.  I've never been in need.  I've never been persecuted because of my faith.  I've never been abused or neglected.  I've never really suffered.

 

Or have I?  My today problems may not be those of the third world, but they are real.  To me.  And they are real.  To God. 

 

He sees.  He knows.

 

When I am lonely.  When I am hurting.  When life doesn't make sense.  When the pain becomes overwhelming.  When there is no solution in sight.  When hope seems illusive.

 

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and characted strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment.  For we know how dearly God loves us, for he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." - Romans 5:3-5

 

#886 cool, crisp Fall mornings

#887 almost done! crazy, busy day - thank you, God, for strength moment by moment

#888 All the way my Savior leads me...grace for every trial (Chris Tomlin)

#889 "help" with my craft :)

#890 kids singing in the backseat on the drive home

#891 supper @ church - LOVE Wednesdays!!

Counting...

It's been fun to look back through my "gifts". 

I'm thankful for coffee.  A lot.

I started with the small things...

#8 sunrise
#19 clean sheets
#48 brown eyes
#139 pillow talk & inside jokes

and learned to thank for the hard things...

#222 broken tooth - God will provide
#374 learning to trust
#439 comfort of a friend
#505 headache - taking it slow

the everyday...

#516 homework - an "excuse" to snuggle on the couch
#547 clean counters
#619 sibling laughter
#634 finished projects
#657 Saturday chores & music cranked up LOUD

truths to live by...

#680 God delights in showing his unfailing love (Micah 7:18)
#730 Psalm 100 - shout with JOY...for the Lord is GOOD
#741 Romans 8:39 - nothing can separate me from God's love
#791 Psalm 46:1 - my refuge, a place to run when my world is crumbling

today...

#879 coffee.  and creamer.
#880 a new day - Lamentations 3:23
#881 trusting in the midst of what I am powerless to change
#882 time to spare on a busy morning
#883 studying for History & listening to stories
#884 boys soccer practice
#885 simple suppers

31 days of JOY...

I recently bought this book. 

Between soccer practices, floors sticky with propolis, math homework, what-to-make-for-supper, overflowing laundry hampers, piles, piles, and more piles...

I often feel like I'm coming unglued. 

And the things that shouldn't...easily set me off.  And the joy that is found in the quiet of the morning...dissipates quickly. 

Sometimes it's hard to hang onto the JOY in the crazy moments.  When expectations are unmet.  When everything seems to go wrong.  When the pressure mounts.  When it all becomes too overwhelming. 

So I'm counting gifts.  Abbie keeps asking if I've made it to #999 yet.  She wants to write down #1000.  I have to admit I'm a little curious about what she wants to write down.  But I'm also selfish.  I'm not sure I want to give up the "crowning moment" of #1000.  I've been working hard, after all, to walk this road of "thankfulness". 

Silly, isn't it?  It's been a journey of "letting go" and "leaning in" to God.  And yet I can't give ONE of the one THOUSAND to my daughter?  Yep.  She gets #1000.  Maybe that might begin a counting of her own...

Anyway.  I digress.

This month I turn 37.  This month we celebrate 15 years of marriage.  This month has been a battle.  And we're only on day TWO. 

So I want to count.  And I need to be challenged.  To cling to JOY.  To cling to God's best.  To cling to a deeper knowing...and being known.

great writer, bad speller...

When I go on a trip with my Dad it is really fun.  And here is a place that I went with my Dad.  The Threshing Bee.  The Treshing Bee is really fun because you see tractors and all kind of farm equipment.  My favorite part is threshing corn and riding the tractor that runs on coal.

Starting over...

I woke up angry.  The pile of dishes made me livid.  The Lego under the piano bench and a hundred other little "this & that's" left me seeing red.  The day has only begun, but the list rushing through my head is longer than I can accomplish in a lifetime.  The weight of stress on my shoulders and the feeling overwhelmed is suffocating.  I tried to bottle and pretend, but the anger bubbles at the surface, just waiting to explode.  Explode at the child stacking chairs into the tallest tower & missing the point that the floor needs swept. Explode at the piles that meet me at every turn.  Explode at the child whose shoes seem to multiply and they are content to just step over them.  Explode that it just isn't fair! 

But somewhere in the midst of my inner tirade, I realize my need for help.  I'm desperate.  Discouraged.  Feeling hopeless.  So I reach out to the only One who will really listen to this foolish woman's complaints.  And He hears.  And He responds.

Jeremiah 31:25 - "For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing."

Psalm 42:5 & 8 - "Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  I will put my hope in God!  I will praise Him again - my Savior & my God!  But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to God who gives me life."

I'm still struggling with the anger.  But I'm taking one step forward, making a choice to trust, to praise, to choose thankfulness.  Bottling the anger just results in pressure & the inevitable explosion.  Letting go is the hard part. 

But maybe cranking up the music and finding things to thank God for will help...

to start this day over.

Overheard...

We've finished our first week of school.  I have nine students, but that hasn't stopped me from working hard or being completely exhausted!  It was a good week of getting to know each other.  I overheard several comments this week that had me laughing...

"So, is your combine a two header...or one?"

"Mrs. Voth, I'm not like your average human..."

"Attention.  Pollute.  Pledge."

On the home front, we're running out of clean unmentionables, so it's time to do laundry.  Again.  My house looks like a tornado came through, but that's part of life.  For now.  The family is loved, fed, and relatively happy.  Clean underwear does wonders for morale.  As does adequate amounts of sleep.  Which I am sadly lacking.

What has kept me going these past few weeks is this book and a wonderful group of women to share life with.  We encourage one another, remind each other that we're "normal" (whatever THAT is!), and laugh at the fact that our husbands neglect to help with housework - not because they're trying to be mean and thoughtless, but because they simply don't SEE the mess that bothers us! I am blessed beyond and leave feeling "filled up" each time. 

Last year I read this book and my journey to "1000 gifts" is almost complete.  Today #767 - In my learning God is teaching.  My middle child.  My glass-half-empty child.  The one who pushes my buttons.  The one I have to breathe deep and ask patience for.  The one I ask repeatedly, "What's one GOOD thing you can say? do? think of?"  She was thankful.  For the small thing.  But what a big step.

I got a new toy.  And I am loving it.  And I am thankful for a husband who worked hard to provide, and blessed me with a new laptop.  Want to know my favorite thing?  So far?  The sticky notes.  I can make lists to my heart's content.  I have never been happier. 

You are GOOD...

So thankful for the reminders of God's goodness this morning.

You Are Good - Brian Johnson

Hunters...

"We're gonna twap dat wascally wabbit if it's the wast thing we do!"

Letting go of the rope...

"...All that I know now is partial and imcomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely."

- 1 Corinthians 13:12

It's a fuzzy picture.  Off center.  Out of focus.  But I love it.

It hit me this morning that all the time I waste striving to understand the "Why?" and "What now?" of life, is pointless.  I'm such a control-freak.  I want to think it through, figure it out, find a solution, pull myself up by my bootstraps.  "I can do it."

When I watched Abbie count down & let go of the rope that held her secure, she began to swing out of control.  But they said, "Lean back.  Relax.  Let go."  And she did.  It was a beautiful thing.  Instead of clinging for control, tense and miserable, she just let go.  Completely.  Reckless abandon. 

But that is where she finally felt comfortable.  "This feels good." 

I have to admit I was too chicken to put that harness on and try it.  I couldn't even trust the ropes would hold me up. What if they break?  What if I fall?

I don't trust that God can hold me up. 

I want to figure it out, find a solution.  But what I see and know now is not the whole picture.  It's not possible to understand completely or have my questions answered.  And the truth is I can't figure it out.

TRUST is the solution.

It's not easy to let go.  But being able to finally lean back into God, knowing that He sees, He understands, He knows me, He knows what He's doing...

that is real peace.

Everything's up to date...

My boys got a little tired of me belting out show tunes on our drive to Kansas City this past weekend.  This is the first trip we've taken together - leaving Daddy & the girls at home.  It was strange to take a trip with just half our family, but good for us as parents to spend some concentrated time with the ones we don't normally "hang out" with. ;) 

I didn't always feel comfortable letting the boys go on their own to the men's restroom, especially at big stops along the highway.  And they weren't very happy to be dragged into the women's.  But they found ways to entertain themselves.  On one particular visit, as I'm sitting in the stall, Daniel hollers out, "Mom!  Can I have a quarter?"  Noah's reading, "What are these Tam-POONS anyway?"  I explain, "Those are for ladies."  "For BABIES?!?"  "No...for ladies.  For women."  Daniel, still insistent, asks, "Well, can't we at LEAST buy a napkin?"  Oh my! 

Birthday Girl

Happy Birthday to this sweet girl, born on the day after Mother's Day, eleven years ago.  We love your smile, your initiative in working hard, your laughter, your creativity, and that "walk-on-the-wild" side!

Oh yeah...I'm sittin' by the fire!

Monkey girl...gotta do it different "just because"!

Mother's Day

We spent this Mother's Day weekend camping as a family.  We hadn't done that since Noah was a baby...9 years ago.  It was a lot of work to get everything packed up, but it was fun...working together, laughing together, and enjoying a slower pace of life.  I can't think of a better way to spend Mother's Day. 

And thanks to my wonderful husband, amazing kids, and horrible head cold...I didn't have to clean it up!  I woke up from a nap to find everything had been unpacked, counters were clean, and the house was picked up!

Birthday boy...

This Spring is all about SPORTS - soccer and baseball to be exact. 

We're not sure which one he likes better. 

Soccer is all about running.  And baseball...well, right now it's about patience.  ;)  There is a lot of waiting, especially in the outfield, but getting a hit & making it home makes the game worth it.

Can this boy really be NINE?  He was pretty excited about the coupon for a night go-carting with Dad.  Good thing he's gotten taller so he could drive!

Show Choir Stars!

So proud of these two performers! They did a great job & it was fun to see the results of all their hard work.

Productivity

When I look at our calender these last weeks of school, I am overwhelmed by all the activities - some unavoidable, others we have "inflicted" on ourselves. At any rate, this weekend was no exception. We had Seiling Music Festival (competitions) on Saturday. I was praising God for Friday night's rainstorm that cancelled soccer games so something would get crossed off the list!

But despite the full schedule, my husband still managed to squeeze in two BIG projects.
He & the kids built this platform last summer, but we've always been leary because it wasn't the safest...
So they put scrap wood to good use & made sturdy walls. The kids felt like they were the Swiss Family Robinson and had fun dreaming of what else they could built on to their new "house"! ;)

The boys spent the afternoon climbing the higher branches and "hiding out" in camo, shooting at unsuspecting "wildlife" (or sisters!) with their wooden guns.

This afternoon Phil & the girls built a loft bed. We're hoping this might cut down on bedtime strife, but Grammie has plenty of stories - how she would hang down from the top bunk & pester HER sister! ;)

The finished product...don't worry, Grandpa, it's safe! ;)

"The Banker" and "The Snob"

...or was it "The Villain" and "The Casanova"?

...which mustache are YOU in the mood for?

Easter

Easter this year was a little different. We have been going to Chouteau for several years, but this year Phil's dad was in the hospital and we spent time visiting them there, helping with "chores" around the house, and being together as siblings and cousins. It was still a special Easter of celebrating God's blessings...and family.

Noah helping Phil prepare potatoes for planting

Two cousins tending to the mowing

Happy to hold a new cousin - sweet Silas

The kids love their cousin, Elliot, who turns two this summer. They "hunted" eggs in his front yard - a "game" which consisted of him finding the same eggs over & over. ;) He would find an egg, bring it back to the basket, and the kids would toss it back into the grass when his back was turned. That got them giggling! They couldn't believe that we did the same thing to them...

When he tired of that, they went hunting for bugs. A ladybug caught his attention, and though he wouldn't touch it, he was okay holding the dandelion on which it was crawling. Soon it started climbing down the stem toward his arm. He threw the flower to the ground, and only then did we realize that the ladybug had made it off the stem and onto his arm. What followed was a hilarious freak-out moment when we tried to remove it from his sweater. Well, it was hilarious for us...not for the sweet boy that had just been traumatized by a ladybug. ;)

Decluttering my mind...a little

It's hard to believe there are only 6 weeks left of school. I'm not sure where this year has gone, but it has gone by fast to be sure. I still love teaching & I feel like I have begun to find my "groove". And by "my groove", I mean living a messy, disorganized life where I say, "Oops, sorry...I forgot!". A lot. But I guess in the big scheme of things...it's not the end of the world. Plus I keep reminding myself that I will have two whole months to do nothing but get organized again. Haha! ;)

My students make me smile everyday. I wish I had been more intentional about writing things down, but I can't always stop in the middle of teaching to do that. Some of my favorites this past week were...

"It's so sunny, I need to put on sun SCREAM."

"Dear God, I just ask that any of my cats that are still alive...that they will just come home..."

Noah made me laugh one night when I was tucking him in for bed. I teased, asking if he was stinky & needed a shower. He answered with "I need some deodorant." WHY? "So I can get used to the smell." Wasn't prepared for that reason. So I asked WHY? again. "When we were playing dodge ball (with the jr. high kids) the big kid standing next to me had deodorant on & it was REALLY strong! So I need to wear it now so I can get used to how it smells." The conversation that proceeded was about AXE and jr. high boys' obsession with trying to smell good, but smelling stinky in the process! ;)

My mommy-heart burst with pride to watch my kids pass the finish line yesterday. The boys ran a mile race & Noah came in 3rd place (12 & under category). Grace ran a 5K with her daddy & came in 1st place (12 & under) with a time of 29:32. They have been working hard in preparation and are excited about the "next time".

Seeking order

I think sometimes my compulsion to organize is driven because everything in my life seems to be spinning out of control.

Organizing brings order to chaos.

At least a small portion of it.

Very small.

Colorado

We made a trip to CO over our Christmas break.

Enjoyed the mountains. Took the kids skiing.

Marveled at a new cousin

Passed on some "daddy wisdom".

And went a little crazy with a seester! :)