Life...as I now know it...

When I took this job in August, I imagined how my life would change...

Five days a week I care for a 5 year old boy with Downs syndrome. But there is nothing "down" about it. He's loving, silly, smiley, cuddly, and a lot of fun. He's a stinker too, for sure, but the good far outweighs the bad. Even on the hard days. And there are a lot of them.

I pick him up every morning at his home, which provides a neat opportunity to get to know his family, and for them to get to know me in turn. Some mornings he's ready to go, and other mornings, like this morning, he is kicking & screaming all the way to the car. We drive 20 minutes to school. Some times we listen to the radio, some times he sleeps and I enjoy the quiet, and every day I have the chance to pray over him and our day before it begins.

We hit the ground running once we get to school. Breakfast, attendance, recess, Speech, and Occupational therapy. 2 hours in and we're working one-on-one: counting, matching, cutting, drawing, grasping, rolling, tracing, sorting...and fighting. Usually he's fighting against what I want him to do. He has every excuse in the book. His tummy hurts, his leg hurts, he's hungry, he's tired, he can't. But my job is to stretch him and teach him and challenge him that he can.

By lunch I can see the end in sight. Another recess and then rest time, my favorite time of the day! I've gotten smart & we do exercises before we lay down to read a book. So instead of listening to him cuss me out for those 10 minutes, we're both getting a work-out & he takes a better nap! ;) Then there are centers and worksheets in the classroom, one last recess, and time to pack up & head home. Another quiet ride home and my day is done...

Not exactly. Once I drop my little guy off at his home, I have a few more minutes of respite before I start my second job. Or should I say, my primary job? And so begins the whirlwind of homework, supper, baths, stories, and bedtime. Deep breath. The kids are in bed. Now what? There's laundry, bills, dishes, piles, email...does it ever end?

None of this should surprise me.

I imagined how busy life would be. I've admired other moms who juggle work & home. But in my fantasy world I had endless energy to maintain it all. I hadn't anticipated what I would be giving up. An organized house for one. And you all know how the lack of it drives me bananas. ;) Free time. Time with friends over a cup of coffee, or over a sale rack at Old Navy, or over a plethora of card stock & scrap paper, or over a piece of pie. I love pie.

Life as I now know it is a little crazy. Well, maybe a lot. But I'm learning some things along the way. I'm learning that I can accept an unorganized home, even if I have to take some deep breaths. I'm learning laundry piles make people feel at home, because chances are they have them too! Supper doesn't have to be fancy. I've never heard the kids complain about Mac 'n' cheese or Ramen or Spaghetti or Pizza. And we're learning to all pitch in as a family to get things done.

So it's not what I anticipated.

But that's okay.

"Not my job..."

There is a running joke between my husband & I.

It used to irritate us that we didn't see eye-to-eye on priorities when it came to cleaning. Plenty of arguments have ensued over this issue.

It doesn't bother him if it looks like a tornado went through our house & clutter is flung hither & yon. So long as the outside looks neat & trim, and the garage is somewhat organized. I, on the other hand, feel the pull to clean, and wash, and dust everything that exists inside the house. It has never concerned me when there are bikes, or rakes, or sports equipment littering the front yard, or that the backyard is sprinkled with okra stalks my boys chopped down (like it is now), or that the driveway is full of sawdust. I just don't see that as my "designated area". And I'm okay with that...even though my husband isn't. ;)

These days we've resigned ourselves to our differences & are trying to be thankful for the balance they provide - so that we can maintain orderliness both inside & outside our home. Well...as much as possible with four kids to help mess it up! ;)

So when Daniel's paper came home yesterday, we both had a good laugh @ his portrayal of us working...

5 years ago...

...we went on our first "small group" camping trip. A few things have changed since then. We've gotten older, gained a few pounds, & hopefully gained some wisdom. Our kids have gotten taller, older, & more independent. As much as I enjoy these changes...I miss these days. Days when I could wake up & snuggle with this lil' cutie.

Where has the time gone? ...if I wasn't so busy trying to keep up with him & his crazy siblings, I might consider having one more, just to kiss those chubby cheeks! But for now, I'll stick to getting my "baby fix" from other people's beautiful babies.

We are all officially out of diapers! Yeah! Yipee! Wah-hoo!!

We still like to play in the mud...we just don't have to wonder if it's mud...or something else!

Even my husband looks younger. And that sweet little boy isn't soft & squishy anymore. He's a lean, green, running machine!

Although camping takes a lot of preparation, work, and planning...it is always worth the relaxation, laughter, and fellowship. I'm thankful for a wonderful group of friends to share these experiences...and memories with. From the look of the forecast for the weekend, we might be sharing hilarious stories of thunderstorms & misery. The struggle for survival is what brings us together...

Hope...in context...

One of my favorite verses is Lamentations 3:22 -

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Today, as I read this again, the context of this verse stood out in a new way...something I don't think I had noticed before. In the preceeding verses, Jeremiah talks about his circumstances. He feels like he is walking in darkness, like God has turned his hand against him & has surrounded him with bitterness & hardship. He feels as though he cannot escape, that he has been left without help, deprived of peace, and been forgotten. He admits that all that he had hoped from the Lord...is gone.

And suddenly, there is a turning point. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. He is reminded of God's love, compassion, faithfulness, goodness, and salvation. His circumstances haven't changed & how he feels about his circumstances hasn't changed either - Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust - there may yet be hope. In the midst of despair, a promise...and a reminder: Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?

Somedays, life can feel pretty hopeless...like there is no end in sight to the junk I deal with on a daily basis. And it scares me when I think that my circumstances might never change. I want to see that "light at the end of the tunnel". I want that "happily ever after". Doesn't God know what I'm dealing with here? If he has the power to change it, why won't he?

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope.

...in the context of God's love, faithfulness, and salvation. I hang on to the hope that God knows what he's doing in my life, better than I will ever be able to comprehend...

...hope...

Just what I needed...

It seems the last several weeks (months?) have been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. There have been uncertainties, challenges, and struggles with disillusionment. I know that my circumstances are unique to me, but everyone can relate to the emotions.

I love my Bible study, despite the fact that I manage to cry over something each week. I can't help it. I have a leaky eye. It's hereditary...just ask my Dad. :) Every week I walk away feeling overwhelmed, "Wow...that's what I needed to hear..." It's not often what I want to hear, but what I need to be reminded of. And it's the first time I think I have felt physically refreshed by the truths of Scripture. It's better than caffeine. Don't get me wrong, I'm still loving my Diet Pepsi, just sometimes it's not enough.

We have looked at life's "seasons" - the growth in Spring, the busyness of Summer, the change in Autumn, and the loneliness of Winter. We have studied the life of Ruth, Solomon, David, and Joseph. I am reminded over & over that God is beside me, no matter the circumstances, the disappointments.

This week for our "homework", we were supposed to make a "timeline" of our lives, from childhood to present. We're to include big events - like marriage, babies, moves, etc. I wasn't looking forward to doing it. I thought it was going to be depressing. But I actually enjoyed it. It was good to look at my past - the difficult challenges, transitions, the people God has sent into my life to minister to me & encourage me @ just the right time, the things He has taught me "through the fire", and the ways my life has been blessed. I finished my timeline & read this:

Lord, I believe and accept that this season, every season past, and every season to come is Your season for my life. Lord, I believe and accept that this season, every season past, and every season to come has divine purpose and is appropriate for me. And Lord, although I cannot fully see the eternal value and purpose of each season of my life today, I believe and accept by faith that you will reveal this to me in the future.

I cried.

That darn leaky eye!

Recuperating...

It's been slow going, but I'm recuperating from having H1N1 last week. I think. I still feel like I'm coughing up a lung...and I sound like I'm a chain smoker, but other than not being able to breathe, I'm fine. Really.

It wasn't the way I planned to spend my last week of teaching, stuck in bed for 6 days. My "official" last day is this Friday. I'm not teaching this week, and honestly, I'm kind of anxious about what this week will "look like" and trying not to think too much about it. Trying is the operative word. I'm not sure I'm succeeding. And every time I start to think about it, I'm pretty negative. Sad, but true.

So...on a positive note...the Hillsdale basketball tournament will be this week - Monday, Thursday & Saturday. I'll get to watch Abbie play basketball and then cheer during the boys' game. (I'll post pictures. She will be so thrilled. But she looks too cute in her cheerleading outfit. Even if her mother has issues with cheerleaders in general. Sorry...highschool.) And back to being positive...the preschool & kindergarten classes have a field trip to a local corn maze on Thursday. It was cancelled last week due to bad weather, so even though I was in bed, I won't miss out. Yeah! It will be a fun day that I get to spend with my students, and my son, and my fellow teacher who has become a dear friend. And Friday is a "Good-bye" party for me. I love parties. Even though I cry to think about having to say "good bye". And even though it's embarrassing to be the center of attention. I still like parties. And cake. Let there be cake.

Oh, and chili and cinnamon rolls is on the menu for Wednesday night at church. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but until you've eaten Cathy's cinnamon rolls, you have no idea what you're missing, and can therefore not make fun of me for getting excited about it. And then, after getting my sugar fix for the week, I get to go out to coffee with friends. We're an odd mix of women, and it's amazing that we all get along. But it's a lot of fun, and my cup is always filled up and running over...literally. Mostly because I'm a clutz and spilling on myself, or maybe it's because I can't stop laughing.

So now I have something to look forward to on everyday but Tuesday. I guess I'll just have to steal some of my kids' Halloween candy on Tuesday & that will redeem the day. Chocolate always does.

That's my pep talk to myself. Thanks for listening. And goodnight. This cough medicine is getting the best of me, I'm afraid.

Camping...

We went camping in late September with two other familes & had a fun weekend together at Keystone Lake. On Saturday, we drove over to our "old" church for their Country Festival. The kids spent most of the morning at the petting zoo begging to bring an odd assortment of animals home with us.

Who gave these boys SUGAR? And WHAT were they THINKING?!?! :)

The barrel train
Grace found a kitten that looked just like Shadow

The kids fell in love with the ducks - AFLAC!

Obsessed with FIRE

Long overdue

It seems like so long since I've taken the time to think and process through our lives, and longer still since I posted any pictures. So without further ado...
Noah had fun helping Phil with a swarm of bees that had moved into our storage shed out back. I sewed this bee suit for Abbie several years ago. I was proud of my brave son. It was also a good introduction to "beekeeping", instead of being surrounded by thousands of bees and 20 hives.

My bathing beauties! We spent several afternoons at the public pool in Kremlin, but on the days we were home, the kids got creative. :)

Life in the fast lane

I hate to admit it, but I like to be in the driver's seat. Especially when we're running late for church & Phil is driving 5 miles under the speed limit & taking the longest route to church. I find myself physically pushing my right foot down on my imaginary gas pedal. A few times I thought it would be nice to have one of those cars they use for driver's ed - the kind that gives the driver the illusion of being in control. When we were first married, we bought a little Honda with manual transmission. I loved that car. Something about changing gears & being in a smaller car, made me feel like I was going really fast. I like to go fast. I don't like to putter along slowly. It feels like a waste of time. I want to get there. Get things going. Get to the point.

The point. The point is, these days, I'm longing for the scenic route. I think the Amish have something here. It's hard to hurry much when you're driving a buggy around. You have to plan ahead & be prepared to take it slow. As much as I love things about my life right now, I'm not really loving life in the fast lane. I want to be able to slow down a little and smell those roses. It's hard to find time to enjoy the moment when you're rushing from one thing to the next. I feel like a honeybee during the peak of honey-making season. They go, go, go for 3 weeks and then they die. Work themselves to death. I really don't want to be a honeybee.

Well, I can't end this post here. That would be too depressing. And I'm not depressed. Overwhelmed. Over tired. Over extended. Yes. But not depressed.

I keep reminding myself that God led me to this place - to the fast lane. So I'm depending on him to carry me through. And even though it's stinkin' hard, I am thankful for all that he is teaching me. In the meantime, I'm trying to plan ahead so I have moments of "taking it slow" - talking with my daughter, reading to my son, playing with my kids, laughing with my husband, cherishing my friendships, resting in my Lord...

Shoe's on the other foot...and I'm not likin' it

My baby is going to camp tomorrow. I'm pretty sure I'm not ready. And she's really too young to be going off all by herself, don't you think? The other 3 are going to Grandma's today, which means we have 24 hours with our eldest. It hasn't been this way for 8 years. Yesterday she looked at me with a sparkle in her eye & asked what kind of things we would be doing once "the other kids" were gone. I told her we were going to clean the whole house from top to bottom. I got an eye-roll for that. As we count down the days until camp, she gets increasingly chatty. I finally asked her if she was nervous. "Kind o'...and kind o' excited too."

I remember that feeling. Only I was the one looking forward to seeing friends & swimming every day & the excitement of school & being on my own. I never was on this side of the fence - worrying about if she'll be safe, how it will go, if she gets homesick, if someone makes fun of her for leaving her zipper down (she does that a lot), if she forgets to brush her teeth, or if she has too much fun & never wants to come back home again. I don't like being on this side of life! I feel compelled to say to my Mom, "I'm sorry I ever left & put you through this!" But at the same time, I know that this is a part of life, a part of growing up, a part of letting go.

There is one thing that gives me comfort & security: The God of the Universe loves & cares for this little girl more than I can comprehend & He is there with her when I am not. So I will trust His daughter to Him, and then I'll pry my fingers off & kiss her goodbye...

"ARG!"

"Arg" = an expression of frustration; often used by pirates & mothers who are biting their tongues in order to refrain from using other (somewhat less acceptable) choice words!

I am generally a giving person, and willing to share, but there are just some things I would like to maintain complete possession of. Is that too much to ask?

After 11 years of marriage, I have resigned myself to not having a toothbrush to call my own. My husband had no qualms about sharing, despite my greatest efforts to hide my toothbrush. My daughter has become quite the kleptomaniac. My hairbrush, socks, & favorite pens have been stashed away in her drawers or found scattered throughout the clutter in her room. She even snatched my belt the other day...and didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that she was able to wrap it around herself twice! My mittens & scarves are taken, my CDs disappear, and even my pillow! I can't tell you how many nights I have to go searching or find something else to lay my head on. But by far, the most frustrating thing to have taken from me, are my keys. Such was the case today, as my second (back-up) set of keys is at work with my husband...20 miles out of town. My first set of keys has "mysteriously" vanished. And no one knows who took them or where they ended up. (Let me give you a clue...I wasn't the last to use them & I believe it was someone who has a tendency to TAKE MY THINGS!!!)

So...since 10am this morning, I have methodically been cleaning the house, searching in every nook & cranny, but to no avail. The more I look, the more I tense up, and the more I growl, "ARG!" So frustrating...

I'm going to build myself a secret hideout, a place I can safely stash my keys, socks, toothbrush, pens, hairbrush, CDs, and my pillow. Then...maybe I'll just crawl in there myself for a while & let them all search for ME.

Livin' Life

Well, I guess I've been too busy living life these days to do much blogging. It's been a busy week filled with the "everyday" and the "in between".

Last night I hosted my first & only Pampered Chef party. Should I admit the only reason I wanted to host one was for this? When I told people I wanted a mandoline, many wondered if I had developed a desire to play a miniature guitar. But no, my love affair is with slicing vegetables! My old (Dollar Store) mandoline assisted me with countless casseroles, but also left its mark on my fingers. That was not the kind of "secret ingredient" I was looking for.

By far, the best part of the night was the "after-party". Five friends - some old, some new, some older than others :) - stayed afterwards to watch a movie, play games, and laugh until it hurt. It was a great way to work off the calories we accumulated eating all that yummy food.

And for those who are wondering where my family was during all of this...
Some men send their wives away on weekend vacations; my husband takes the kids & leaves me @ home alone for the weekend. Being that I'm a typical home-body, this is the perfect "vacation" for me. I lounge around in my pjs, curl up with a good book or movie, some hot chocolate & bask in the peace & quiet. I don't sleep so well at night without them here, so it's always wonderful to welcome them home again...noise & all.

The biggest "hit" at my party was these easy appetizers, something that actually originated as an "accident"; I was trying to "dress up" leftovers. So this doesn't have a name (maybe you can help me think of one).

2 cans of buttermilk biscuits (the small ones)
1 lb. ground beef, browned
1/2 - 1 c. BBQ sauce (enough to moisten meat, but not too much liquid)
1 c. shredded cheddar cheese

Mix meat & BBQ sauce (I've made these w/ leftover taco meat). Grease muffin pan; place a biscuit in the bottom of each one. Top with about 1 Tbsp. of meat & top w/ cheese. Bake @ 400 degrees for 10 min. or until biscuits are done. Enjoy!

A light bulb moment…I have a light bulb!

Well...I was sitting at my desk yesterday, and I was feeling kind of bummed, wearing my holey socks, paying bills and balancing the checkbook, thinking, “We are so poor…” And of course, the next natural thought was, “If only...”

Twenty-four hours later, I’m back from our Ladies’ Bible study @ church & feeling on top of the world. After we ate lunch, I knew it was time…time to do that which I dread most & put off until it is absolutely necessary. I know most people dread cleaning their bathrooms. But for me, it is the kitchen floor with all of its stuck-on-food and dried milk spots. Yuck. Last night Grace noticed a whole banana under there (peel still intact). Do you think she did anything about it? Nope. She notified me & scooted her chair in. Nobody wants to touch the kitchen floor. Anyway, as I was mopping, it hit me. I am a rich woman…a very rich woman. Why is this so easy for me to forget? I have a floor to clean! I ate lunch today! And I now have dishes to wash! And a closet full of clothes, a warm home, healthy children, money in savings, a job! It's all things I take for granted when I begin to feel like what I have is not enough. I'm sure there's some housewife over in Africa thinking to herself, "If only I had a floor to clean instead of this dirt hut." And yet, I'm sure that despite her moments of longing for something better, she is still grateful that she has a hut at all, and that her family has enough food for a day, and a way to earn money for tomorrow. When I think of those who live in abject poverty, it shames me to think of the ridiculous things I complain about.

Not only am I rich in material things…but I am continually overwhelmed with how God has blessed me spiritually. I don’t ever want to take for granted the “fellowship” of other sisters in Christ, the wisdom & experience they have to share with me. It encourages me…always. I walked away from time this morning with 14 very different women, feeling uplifted and blessed.

I am rich...beyond measure.

Guys are not like women when it comes to friendships. They don't go out of their way to pursue them, and close friendships tend to be few and far between. At least, that's my husband's case. We've lived here for 6 years, and just recently Phil has been spending time w/ Jim. It all started over a common interest in honeybees, than wine making, and now hunting. Jim's wife called to apologize for the time they spend together, but I don't mind. It's long overdue. Jim & Phil went hunting last night, the last night of gun season, and Phil got this buck.



Women bond over movies and chocolate. Men bond over guns and dead animals. We may have different ways of going about it, but we both need people that understand and can relate to us. Jim & Phil will come up with plenty of crazy ideas in the future between the two of them, but at least they're having a good time, growing a friendship.

It's pouring...

You know the old saying, “When it rains...”? Well, it’s pouring around here, and I want to be the old man snoring. He at least gets plenty of rest!

After our house recovered from the flu, I came down with a nasty cold.

The filament in our oven burned in half one evening while I was making granola. It took a couple days to get the part in, but Phil was able to replace it without difficulty, only to discover that wasn’t the only problem. Apparently, our oven’s computer panel had a glitch; Phil ordered that part, but we're not sure whether it will arrive in time for Thanksgiving. So I've been making lots of soup & getting creative with stovetop & crock-pot meals. Thanksgiving dinner will be interesting this year...memorable, for sure.

Progress is being made in our bathroom. Phil really went to work on it when we heard we'd be having 14 people @ our house. The toilet is installed & the walls are ready for texture & painting. Speaking of company, my parents arrived this afternoon with my brother, Aaron, & girlfriend, Lydia. Lydia's family is driving down from CO & will spend the night here tonight, then continue on to TX after breakfast, taking Aaron & Lydia with them. Phil's sister & her husband are stopping in Monday over-night on their way to NE. I'm thinking of opening a bed & breakfast.

Though I'm thankful for all the work Phil has done on the bathroom, I'm ready for it to be finished so I can get a peaceful nights' sleep again. The other night I slept with earplugs in, one night I woke up to country music @ 1am, and I'm growing tired of all the drywall dust in our bedroom. I try not to complain too much. My husband has always been a night-owl & it's when he gets most of his work done. So I'm attemping to remain focused on the bigger picture - a beautiful & functional bathroom.

Our internet has been down & I was on the phone the other day for almost 2 hours with a nice lady in India. I explained Thanksgiving traditions & food to her, and she explained how she prepares potatoes (with hot chilies).

The kicker this week was having the "joy of womanhood" arrive on just the right day. Not only am I bloated & crabby, but my husband has been complaining that my congested nose is keeping him awake (with all my snoring)! So see...I might as well be that old man in bed, enjoying the sound of the storm & getting my beauty rest!

Trying something different

Abigail Mae, our firstborn. She still is our tip-toe girl, light-hearted and full of creativity, completely unconcerned with athletics, addicted to reading, and sensitive to other's feelings. It's hard to believe she's 10 already.

As parents, we realize we're on the brink of adolescence; with that realization comes the weight of responsibility, of how little time we have left. These past 10 years have flown by & we know that the next 8 will go by just as quickly, if not faster. We aren't in the midst of teenage years just yet, but we're dealing with plenty of attitude & eye-rolling already! Thought I don't want to be a nag, I realize that it comes all too easily for me. Before I know it, I'm whining at my children as much as they are at me! I want to teach them responsibility, but nagging doesn't teach them to do it themselves. Instead it gives them the hope that I will soon get tired of reminding them & just do it myself! Smart little buggers. I love charts & organization, but I'm not good at consistency. But I thought I'd try something different, so I made charts for each of the girls that included morning & evening responsibilities, as well as a different chore for each day. Friday night we're looking forward to pizza & a movie. They can watch the movie, provided they completed their work for the week. We'll see how it goes; we're only on Day #3. Oh, well. It's worth the effort to try something new to get through. Even if it might be a failure, it's better than doing nothing. I can't tell you how many times Phil & I have looked at each other & said, "Man, this is hard work!" Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking giving us four children that are like us in so many ways. :) I guess he has a sense of humor.

It all intertwines...

It's crazy to me how things intertwine & relate to one another. Either that, or maybe God's just trying to tell me something, but it takes Him saying it in a dozen different ways for me to get the message. For a few years, I have enjoyed being part of a women's Bible study on Thursday mornings at our church. It is a wonderful mix of women, including some close friends of mine, and I especially appreciate the wisdom & perspective offered by the older women that attend. It has never been a waste of time, and I have always walked away feeling encouraged & challenged. This year another study was offered on Wednesdays & I decided to attend it as it was a Beth Moore study. Since I had never done one of her studies, I kind of wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Now I know. :) Personal issues have pushed me to really seek the Scriptures; what does God say about his plan for me? And to top it off, I'm reading a book that is stretching my brain & forcing me to think about what I believe, my theological views, etc. So, even though I'm not getting any skinnier, I'm convinced my brain is shrinking from all the exercise!

In the midst of all this mind-activity, several things have intertwined. I am reminded over & over again that I need to love others as God loves them; something that is definitely easier said than done. I'm totally fine with loving my friends the way I should. No problem. But when God asks me to love someone that is difficult to get along with, I drag my heels and make excuses for why I don't need to. (And deep down I wish he would understand why it's just not possible & leave me alone already!)

So just when I had everything figured out, life comes up & slaps me in the face. It the midst of nagging my daughter this morning with, "How many times to I have to tell you before you learn...?", I was reminded of God's patience with me. I'm thankful that he doesn't leave me as I am (even though it's not fun!), but encourages me to keep learning, growing & maturing in him.

11 years ago today...

...I married this good-lookin' man.
Daniel wanted to know who babysat him at our wedding. I told him that on the day we were married, God laughed & said, "Those two kids have no idea what I have planned for them!"

To commemorate, I made this anniversary cake. The kids love any excuse to eat cake (okay, I do too). And with sweet strawberries on top, who can resist?

Last night

Well, it goes without saying, that last night was a lot of fun. I got to spend the evening with my husband...alone...with my husband. Phil loves to drive & we have some our best discussions when we're traveling. Okay, so we've had our share of fights sitting in the front seats of the van too, but we won't talk about that now. We drove an hour north of Enid to pick up the tickets from the radio station, then another 2 1/2 hours southeast to Tulsa. We got into Tulsa just after 5pm & had a delicious dinner @ Macaroni Grill. We made it to the concert in time & thoroughly enjoyed it. Steven & Michael opened with my favorite song, "Blessed be the name of the Lord." That was it for me. I cannot get through that song without crying. Phil & I talked about it later. I always get choked up @ "He gives and takes away...my heart will choose to say...Lord, blessed be your name." It's not the fear of what might be taken away, the uncertainty of struggles that may come, but it's the realization that God is in control. As much as I want to hold tightly to things, my kids, our futures...in the end I must come to the place where I realize that it was never mine to begin with. And it is when I realize that, that my heart cries out with joy, "Lord, blessed be your name."

I have always enjoyed Steven's music, but with the loss of his daughter, Maria, & the struggles his family has endured these past months, the songs took on new meaning. They are not just words on paper, or songs for sale...they are a declaration of faith. "God is God and I am not...I can only see a part of the picture he's painting. God is God and I am man, so I'll never understand it all, for only God is God..." Our ride home was pretty subdued. We didn't get home until around 1am. Today was a busy day & I feel like I'm still digesting everything from last night. It's amazing to see how God continually brings things to the surface - through Bible study, in classes @ church, in a concert, and in personal experiences. Some days I want to say, "Okay, enough already! I see what you're wanting to teach me, but do I really have to go through all this to learn it?" Unfortunately, I know the answer. Growing is painful, and discipline is never fun...but the reward of being in relationship with the One who created the Universe is well worth it.

Mom's day off

Any mother will tell you that it's impossible to take a day off "work"...unless you leave town! Even Sunday, a day of "rest", can be a crazy day for mothers...at least it is for me. Well, today I took half a day off "work" & it was refreshing. I had (what my mom loves to call) a "pajama day". After I dropped the kids off at the school bus, I came home & slept for another hour (Daniel hung out with Phil until he left for work). The rest of the morning I crocheted, drank hot chocolate, and enjoyed the cool, rainy day, while Daniel & I watched way too much TV. By 2pm I decided that I should probably get something accomplished (plus I didn't want to show up to the bus stop in my pj's!) So I hopped in the shower & then Daniel & I went grocery shopping. After school I spent the next hour picking up (it's amazing how a little picking up can make it seem like you were productive all day!). I also was a good wife & made my husband's favorite dinner - salmon patties. I can hardly stand the smell of that stuff and picking out the bones grosses me out, but he & the kids love it, so what's a mom to do? Plug her nose & bear it!