still counting...

31 days are over, but the choice to praise carries on...

#1000  counting God's blessings - naming them one by one - being reminded of God's continual faithfulness, seeing how the habit of thankfulness has changed my perspective, kept my focus on Christ, reminded me of the TRUTH, and helped me to TRUST the One who gives, and who takes away - blessed is His Name.

somedays...

somedays it's just too hard to be thankful...

somedays it's just easier to be discouraged...

to lose hope...

to lose sight of God...

what purpose He could possibly have in the midst of this messy life...

so that's when the roots dig deeper...

out of desperation...

"I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.  My body rests in safety...You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever." - Psalm 16:8-9, 11

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong." - Ephesians 3:16-17

#904 refreshed by God's Word - reminder to be thankful
#905 hugs - from a friend; from my kids, arms wrapped around tight
#906 soft scarf
#907 change of seasons
#908 lil' miss - that little voice & those facial expressions kill me!  hilarious...
#909 reading w/ the kids - sandwiched in under the covers
#910 relief from headache & a good night's sleep
#911 diet Pepsi ;)
#912 my job!
#913 clean counters & the husband who cleared them
#914 folded laundry

Starting over...

I woke up angry.  The pile of dishes made me livid.  The Lego under the piano bench and a hundred other little "this & that's" left me seeing red.  The day has only begun, but the list rushing through my head is longer than I can accomplish in a lifetime.  The weight of stress on my shoulders and the feeling overwhelmed is suffocating.  I tried to bottle and pretend, but the anger bubbles at the surface, just waiting to explode.  Explode at the child stacking chairs into the tallest tower & missing the point that the floor needs swept. Explode at the piles that meet me at every turn.  Explode at the child whose shoes seem to multiply and they are content to just step over them.  Explode that it just isn't fair! 

But somewhere in the midst of my inner tirade, I realize my need for help.  I'm desperate.  Discouraged.  Feeling hopeless.  So I reach out to the only One who will really listen to this foolish woman's complaints.  And He hears.  And He responds.

Jeremiah 31:25 - "For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing."

Psalm 42:5 & 8 - "Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  I will put my hope in God!  I will praise Him again - my Savior & my God!  But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to God who gives me life."

I'm still struggling with the anger.  But I'm taking one step forward, making a choice to trust, to praise, to choose thankfulness.  Bottling the anger just results in pressure & the inevitable explosion.  Letting go is the hard part. 

But maybe cranking up the music and finding things to thank God for will help...

to start this day over.

Choosing Joy...

Today I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing to give thanks. And let me tell you something.

It hasn't been an easy day to choose joy.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

Thank you, God for this *monster* under this bed. You have blessed our children with so many things to play with, we don't have enough room for them. Thank you that we have been abundantly blessed enough to give away & bless others...

Thank you, God...for creativity and imagination...

Thank you, God, for these *clean* clothes yet to be folded. Thank you for the arms and hands to fold them. Thank you for the mountain of *dirty* you have blessed us with.

Thank you, God, for these dirty dishes. Thank you for running water & a functioning dishwasher to help me in my task. Thank you for providing our daily bread.

"So then as long as thanks is possible...then joy is always possible...whenever, meaning - NOW; wherever, meaning - HERE. The hold grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here & now." - Ann Voskamp

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all curcumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) - God

Seeking routine...

It's the start of week #3 and I'm trying to find some "routine" in my day-to-day. I want to know what is on the schedule for today & what to expect tomorrow.

Let's be real here. I have control issues, people.

I like having a place for everything...and everything in its place. That works fine in a classroom with neatly labeled boxes and zippered baggies, but life is another story.

Not matter how much I schedule, organize, and prepare, I will never really be able to know what today holds or what tomorrow will bring. Despite my futile efforts to do so! And for someone who always has something to do, people to see...it's really hard to sit still & wait on the Lord.

"Demonstrate your TRUST in me by sitting quietly in My Presence. Put aside all that is waiting to be done and refuse to worry about anything. This sacred time together strengthens you and prepares you to face whatever the day will bring. By waiting with Me before you begin the day's activities, you proclaim the reality of My living Presence...doing countless unnecessary activities will dissipate your energy. When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less, but accomplish more." (-Jesus Calling pg. 252)

THIS is the routine I must desperately seek.

Resting...

Yesterday was our FIRST day of school & my first day of teaching. It was a great day & I'm excited about what God has in store for the year ahead.

So glad it was only a half day!! By the time I got home, I was so exhausted & crashed for a nap. I joked with Phil - if I was this tired after a half day, what am I going to do next week?!?! I'm thankful that "down-time" is part of our schedule. I think we'll all benefit from a chance to stretch out, as we listen to a story.

I realize that getting back into the routine of working full-time will take some adjusting. Last night I started feeling overwhelmed with all the things that need to be "accomplished", almost to the point of panic. (How can I do this? I'm too weak! It's impossible!) This morning I read this great reminder about the need for Simplicity. And that reminded me that I needed to spend a little time with the One who is in all & above all that happens in my life. Today's reminder from Jesus Calling was just what I needed to hear...

Come to Me when you are weak and weary. Rest snugly in my everlasting arms. I do not despise weakness, My child. Actually, it draws Me closer to you, because weakness stirs up My compassion - My yearning to help. Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.

Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My Presence. Accept this gift as a sacred treasure delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it.

For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

- Isaiah 54:10

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

- Romans 8:26

Choosing to SEE...

It's not often that I come across a book that's too good to put down. This is one of those books. I finished it in one day. It is Mary Beth's story - a glimpse into her family, her walk with the Lord, her struggles, and her joys. It is a story we can all relate to, as we walk this journey of life. We all can choose to SEE God - in the good, not-so-good, and completely-horrible times. Grab a box of Kleenex, 'cause it's a tear-jerker. Either that, or I'm a big cry-baby. Yep. That's probably it.

"Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us ; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." Hosea 6:1-3 (NLT)

The story of my life...

I love to tell stories.

...especially if they make someone laugh. Maybe that's why I enjoy blogging. It's a chance to tell my stories to anyone & everyone who is willing to "listen" to them. Plus, at least this way I don't have to worry about boring anyone. (If they don't want to know...then they don't need to read!)

I like to hear stories. Funny ones, yes, but meaningful ones too. Thought-provoking. Ones that challenge me to think. Challenge me to be...more.

This evening I listened to a sermon by Andy Stanley. It is a series of messages dealing with how to make wise decisions & he spoke about the story of our lives.

As I thought back to Bible study this Spring & learning about finding contentment in the midst of "seasons", he reminded me that every season we go through is a part of our story. What seems overwhelming in the present, becomes a few sentences in the future - as we describe that season of our lives. For better...or for worse.

No matter how big a decision you may currently face, or how complicated your life is, at some point in your life, it becomes nothing more than a story that you tell. In every transition in life, and in every decision that you make, you write the script. Whether it's a positive time in your life, or a terrible, surprise season...your next decision is simply an extension of your story.

You don't get to decide what happens to you. BUT you do have full control over how you respond to what happens to you. And how you respond becomes part of the story that you tell.

He told the story of Joseph - how the decisions he made at crucial moments in his life, shaped his story. It was a God-honoring story. In the midst of injustice, false accusations, prison, and family dysfunction, Joseph chose to honor God in his decisions. And the reality is that his response to God (in worse circumstances than I probably will ever have to face), was obedience & acceptance.

I sit back & just think, "Wow."

What story do I want to tell?

It's not only a story I tell to my children, but it becomes part of their story too.

I want it to be funny, for sure. But more than that, I want them to see God in my story.

Not there yet...

Anyone who has taken a trip with kids expects the familiar question, "Are we there yet?" It's the one question that is never satisfied. Until we arrive at our destination, there is discontent...because we're not there yet. As parents, we plan & pack activities, snacks, DVDs...anything to distract from the length of the trip or inconvenience in the traveling.

I realize that in my anticipation of the arrival, I often forget to enjoy the journey. It's true that being cooped up or confined by a seat belt isn't very fun, but we've made a lot memories as a family when we take the side road & enjoy a moment to stop to look around.

I've been thinking a lot lately about this journey of life. Sometimes I think the road I'm traveling is filled with pits & potholes. I don't enjoy the journey. I don't understand why there need to be detours or maintenance. Some days it isn't fun & I feel trapped. I want to escape & allow myself to be distracted by other things. I don't know where I'm going & why I'm even on this crazy trip in the first place. I just want to hurry up, get it over with, & get there all ready.

Unfortunately...I'm not the one driving. Though I'd like to think I am sometimes. But I'm in the passenger seat, and as much as I protest & try to fight it...my driver knows where He's going, and He is in control...not me. He knows the road ahead, and there's a reason we're going this way. Yes, it may take a while, and the road doesn't promise to be a smooth one, but He is there with me on the journey. He has promised to be with me always & to give me the grace to endure the journey ahead. Even better, He throws in some sight-seeing. A chance to see His greatness in action, an opportunity to revel in His love & mercy.

So, here I am. I don't really know what lies ahead, but I'm trusting the One who does. Now it's time to release my fingernails from the dashboard & enjoy the ride.

The power of music...

When I'm having a bad day (as you all know that I do), music works wonders to lift my eyes up from my circumstances to a powerful, loving, good, heavenly Father. When I make the choice to praise him, my day goes better. I won a free CD from the radio station last week & this one is a new favorite...

Arms That Hold the Universe -- by Fee

I know it seems like this could be the darkest day you've known.
But believe you me the God of strength will never let you go.
He will overcome I know.

The arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight.
You can rest inside.
It's gonna be alright.
And the voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child.
So be still and know He's in control.
He will never let you go.

Through many dangers, toils and snare you have already come.
His grace has brought you save this far and His grace will lead you home.

You can hope.
You can rise.
You can stand.
He's got the whole world in His hands.

The arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight.
You can rest inside.
It's gonna be alright.
And the voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child.
So be still and know He's in control.
He will never let you go.

He's got the whole world in His hands...

Anticipation...

Thinking of days to come, and chasing after some "finer day" is what kept Carly Simon waitin'...anticipating...

Life can be about anticipation. Waiting for tomorrow, waiting for the next phase, the next adventure, the next new thing...for things to get better, for what lies ahead or just around the corner, waiting...

It got me thinking...scary, I know. :) I started thinking about "anticipation", and what makes it different from "hope". I began to realize that most of the time, the things I anticipate have expectations attached. And often I find myself disappointed because what happens isn't what I had anticipated at all.

Hope is different. Hope does not disappoint. I loved this definition: Hope is a person or thing in which expectations are centered. Hope brings me to a place of letting go of my expectations and holding on with everything I've got to God & his promises. Because he is perfect, and his plan for my life is perfect...I can center my expectations on him. I can hope in Him.

Now, don't get me wrong. There's still waiting on hope. Only I don't have to chase after some illusion of a "finer day".

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.

In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,

even as we put our hope in you." Psalms 33:20-22

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"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run & not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

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"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him..." Lamentations 3:21-25

Just what I needed...

It seems the last several weeks (months?) have been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. There have been uncertainties, challenges, and struggles with disillusionment. I know that my circumstances are unique to me, but everyone can relate to the emotions.

I love my Bible study, despite the fact that I manage to cry over something each week. I can't help it. I have a leaky eye. It's hereditary...just ask my Dad. :) Every week I walk away feeling overwhelmed, "Wow...that's what I needed to hear..." It's not often what I want to hear, but what I need to be reminded of. And it's the first time I think I have felt physically refreshed by the truths of Scripture. It's better than caffeine. Don't get me wrong, I'm still loving my Diet Pepsi, just sometimes it's not enough.

We have looked at life's "seasons" - the growth in Spring, the busyness of Summer, the change in Autumn, and the loneliness of Winter. We have studied the life of Ruth, Solomon, David, and Joseph. I am reminded over & over that God is beside me, no matter the circumstances, the disappointments.

This week for our "homework", we were supposed to make a "timeline" of our lives, from childhood to present. We're to include big events - like marriage, babies, moves, etc. I wasn't looking forward to doing it. I thought it was going to be depressing. But I actually enjoyed it. It was good to look at my past - the difficult challenges, transitions, the people God has sent into my life to minister to me & encourage me @ just the right time, the things He has taught me "through the fire", and the ways my life has been blessed. I finished my timeline & read this:

Lord, I believe and accept that this season, every season past, and every season to come is Your season for my life. Lord, I believe and accept that this season, every season past, and every season to come has divine purpose and is appropriate for me. And Lord, although I cannot fully see the eternal value and purpose of each season of my life today, I believe and accept by faith that you will reveal this to me in the future.

I cried.

That darn leaky eye!

Wheeee...

Merry Christmas to you all!! We're enjoying time with family. Dad & Mom drove down a day early, as we were expecting snow. The 8 inches forecasted only turned out to be 1 1/2 inches, but we'll take it. It's fun to have a White Christmas. My husband took me on a "hot date" to Wal-Mart this afternoon; we spun doughnuts in the Old Navy parking lot & shared a Peppermint Mocha @ Starbucks. I am a happy woman. We put the kids to bed, filled stockings, and had fun playing the Wii we borrowed from friends.

Here's video of Mom & I were busting a gut watching Dad & Phil play tennis.

Put on my travelin' shoes...

We're back home again after a whirlwind trip this weekend. Phil's cousin got married in Kearney, NE on Saturday. We loaded the car on Friday night & left home by 4:30 the next morning so we could "make it to the church on time". The wedding was beautiful, and you know me & weddings...more boo-hooing. By 6pm, we were headed to Uncle David's pig farm to be with family where I could do what I love...laughing. :) We weren't there five minutes when Daniel came running back from the pig pens to inform Noah, "I can't even tell you what that pig was doing!" We were a little curious, what with several prize winning studs in the pens, so we asked, "What did you see?" "That pig just went to the bathroom right there!" This is our third trip to the farm & when we were there in the Fall of '06, we couldn't get Daniel off this toy tractor. This time he got to ride with Uncle David to feed the pigs. He was in hog heaven! Pun intended. :) He talked Uncle David's ear off, and later informed him "I want to feed the pigs with you everyday."

Grace was shy at first around Megan. After the wedding, she whispered, "I'll see you back at the farm." They became fast friends and were inseparable. We left the farm Sunday morning, and I soon noticed that Grace had gotten really quiet. I looked back to find her crying. When I hugged her close, she confessed, "I didn't want to leave Megan."

We arrived in Omaha on Sunday afternoon & got to spend time with my cousin & her family. I was able to go to the hospital & meet Judah. I have to admit, it's hard to find the words. There is so much I could say, but sometimes words are not adequate to describe emotions. Sometimes it's enough to just feel & not explain. He is a beautiful baby...a baby God is holding in the palm of his hand...a baby that in his short life, has touched the hearts of many people. He has brought the family of God together. People that don't know this family personally are praying for this precious boy. It's a beautiful thing to see.

We left Omaha last night & got home in the middle of the night. Yes, it was a whirlwind trip, but it was worth it. It makes me look forward to heaven. Not only will I get to spend eternity with Christ, but I'll get to fellowship with family...God's family. And I can't think of something I want more than that.

Please Pray

Judah Matthew was born yesterday afternoon & there have been various complications. Please pray for Judah, for Beth & Jared, for the grandparents, and for the kids (siblings) - Eli, Ezra, & Lydia during this time.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Deeply rooted

It's still hard to believe we have lived here for almost 7 years. For a while we were on a "3 year track" - moving every 3 years. It's never easy to say "good-bye" to old friends, or to venture out & build new friendships. But in 2004 we decided to join a small group, and our lives haven't been the same since. :) They've been blessed. We went on our 1st camping trip on Mother's Day '05 - 8 adults & 10 children. It was a little hectic at times, but the work was worth the fun.

May 2008

By '08 our numbers had increased a bit

12 adults & 16 kids!

May 2005

Almost four years later, our small group has become a support group & a second "family". And over time close friendships have been built over laughter, conversation, and bonding (suffering) together on those camping trips! But lately, as our kids grow older and are involved in more activities, and as our lives grow more busy, it has become increasingly difficult to carve out that time together. It makes me sad to see things changing.

But last night we did just that. And though it was slightly crazy - with 22 people in the house, it was a blast. (At least it was for us; we don't mind the chaos!) There was way to much food & not enough room to sit, but no one seemed to mind. We played a game while the kids watched a movie (they kept hollering @ us to quiet down!). And after everyone left, the house was too quiet, and we didn't want it to end.

I'm glad we've put down roots here and that this group of friends is helping us to become deeply rooted in Christ as we share laughter, encourage one another, and live life together.

Waiting on God

I don't know why, but I worry about money. It's a silly thing, really. It's just money. But I worry about it. Too much. And I waste my time fretting over the lack of it, and sometimes longing for the abundance of it. Despite my roller coaster relationship with money, God has always been faithful to provide what we need, at just the right time. We've never gone without a meal, a home, water, or electricity. It's true that we've had to "sacrifice" other things, that fall under the category of "immediate gratification", but that's not a bad thing.

These past couple of weeks, I've watched the funds in our checking dwindle & I wondered if & when we would have payments come in from customers. The more it dropped, the more I worried, and the more I pleaded with God to send some soon!

I shared my fears with a couple friends & was blessed to receive a gift on Thursday with this verse in Galatians "...as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." (6:10) I was on my way to deposit the money in our account when I got a call from Phil telling me a payment had just arrived in the mail. I could feel God reminding me tenderly, "Oh, you of little faith. Don't you know I will take care of you?" He is faithful, and he continues to provide for our needs, big & small.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:22-24

FYI & further updates

A few weeks ago, I wrote about my cousin, Beth. She has started her own blog & journals about the ups & downs of this pregnancy, her faith in God, and their journey as a family. I love her honesty, her perspective on life, and how she simply trusts in God through the good times & bad. I encourage you to keep praying for her, when God brings her to mind, and check out her blog sometime. You won't be disappointed you did!

And the winner is...

Our boys had fun making their cars. Daniel made "The King" (from the Cars movie) with his Dad's help & Noah designed his own "Nike" car & faithfully sanded it smooth. But they were both disappointed they didn't win any trophies. I told Daniel he was a winner in my book, but he wanted to know where my book was; he wasn't at all thrilled with the "in my heart" answer I gave him.

Abbie chose a flip-flop car this year. Not only did she win 1st place for design, but it was fast! We saw her waiting patiently for the final results & laughed at her "fist pump" & "YES!" when they called her name.

Grace's "remote" car won 1st prize for speed. Her daddy is pretty proud of that accomplishment, as we've had cars in the past that never even made it to the finish line. She informed me before the race that she was pretty sure she'd win, since her daddy had put the four fastest wheels on her car. She is very self-confident.

We had one last race to see which Voth car was the fastest. Grace kept her title...this year. (You like how they're all fighting at the end? Just keepin' it real, people!)

Update

Thank you all for praying for my cousin, Bethany & her family. They have named him Judah Matthew. Judah means "He (God) shall be praised" and Matthew means "Gift of Yahweh". It is a beautiful testimony that this family has chosen to praise God & thank him for his gift, no matter the outcome.

After a sonogram & amnio last Thursday, they are looking at possible chromosomal defects. There are "concerns about the ventricles in his brain, his nuchal fold (the fatty part in the back of the neck), and his kidneys. All were a little enlarged or dilated." He also has a cleft lip & 6 fingers on his hands. A preliminary test showed negative for Trisomy 13, 18, and 21 (Down's syndrome). More conclusive results will come back in 7-10 days (by next week).

Continue to pray for Beth & Jared. She is at 21 weeks. There are so many uncertainties, but we know a God who is in control...and who holds Judah in the palm of his mighty hand.