Starting over...

I woke up angry.  The pile of dishes made me livid.  The Lego under the piano bench and a hundred other little "this & that's" left me seeing red.  The day has only begun, but the list rushing through my head is longer than I can accomplish in a lifetime.  The weight of stress on my shoulders and the feeling overwhelmed is suffocating.  I tried to bottle and pretend, but the anger bubbles at the surface, just waiting to explode.  Explode at the child stacking chairs into the tallest tower & missing the point that the floor needs swept. Explode at the piles that meet me at every turn.  Explode at the child whose shoes seem to multiply and they are content to just step over them.  Explode that it just isn't fair! 

But somewhere in the midst of my inner tirade, I realize my need for help.  I'm desperate.  Discouraged.  Feeling hopeless.  So I reach out to the only One who will really listen to this foolish woman's complaints.  And He hears.  And He responds.

Jeremiah 31:25 - "For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing."

Psalm 42:5 & 8 - "Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  I will put my hope in God!  I will praise Him again - my Savior & my God!  But each day the LORD pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to God who gives me life."

I'm still struggling with the anger.  But I'm taking one step forward, making a choice to trust, to praise, to choose thankfulness.  Bottling the anger just results in pressure & the inevitable explosion.  Letting go is the hard part. 

But maybe cranking up the music and finding things to thank God for will help...

to start this day over.

Overheard...

We've finished our first week of school.  I have nine students, but that hasn't stopped me from working hard or being completely exhausted!  It was a good week of getting to know each other.  I overheard several comments this week that had me laughing...

"So, is your combine a two header...or one?"

"Mrs. Voth, I'm not like your average human..."

"Attention.  Pollute.  Pledge."

On the home front, we're running out of clean unmentionables, so it's time to do laundry.  Again.  My house looks like a tornado came through, but that's part of life.  For now.  The family is loved, fed, and relatively happy.  Clean underwear does wonders for morale.  As does adequate amounts of sleep.  Which I am sadly lacking.

What has kept me going these past few weeks is this book and a wonderful group of women to share life with.  We encourage one another, remind each other that we're "normal" (whatever THAT is!), and laugh at the fact that our husbands neglect to help with housework - not because they're trying to be mean and thoughtless, but because they simply don't SEE the mess that bothers us! I am blessed beyond and leave feeling "filled up" each time. 

Last year I read this book and my journey to "1000 gifts" is almost complete.  Today #767 - In my learning God is teaching.  My middle child.  My glass-half-empty child.  The one who pushes my buttons.  The one I have to breathe deep and ask patience for.  The one I ask repeatedly, "What's one GOOD thing you can say? do? think of?"  She was thankful.  For the small thing.  But what a big step.

I got a new toy.  And I am loving it.  And I am thankful for a husband who worked hard to provide, and blessed me with a new laptop.  Want to know my favorite thing?  So far?  The sticky notes.  I can make lists to my heart's content.  I have never been happier. 

Birthday boy...

This Spring is all about SPORTS - soccer and baseball to be exact. 

We're not sure which one he likes better. 

Soccer is all about running.  And baseball...well, right now it's about patience.  ;)  There is a lot of waiting, especially in the outfield, but getting a hit & making it home makes the game worth it.

Can this boy really be NINE?  He was pretty excited about the coupon for a night go-carting with Dad.  Good thing he's gotten taller so he could drive!

Chances are...

When Grandpa's in town, you can count on delicious breakfasts with eggs and bacon, or french toast and sausage.

But if your birthday is in a few days...and Grandpa's in town, chances are you'll get an AMAZING breakfast in bed! ;)



Thanks, Dad, for the delicious early birthday present, and for letting your grandkids help & be a part of your gift. Love you.

Choosing Joy...

Today I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing to give thanks. And let me tell you something.

It hasn't been an easy day to choose joy.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

Thank you, God for this *monster* under this bed. You have blessed our children with so many things to play with, we don't have enough room for them. Thank you that we have been abundantly blessed enough to give away & bless others...

Thank you, God...for creativity and imagination...

Thank you, God, for these *clean* clothes yet to be folded. Thank you for the arms and hands to fold them. Thank you for the mountain of *dirty* you have blessed us with.

Thank you, God, for these dirty dishes. Thank you for running water & a functioning dishwasher to help me in my task. Thank you for providing our daily bread.

"So then as long as thanks is possible...then joy is always possible...whenever, meaning - NOW; wherever, meaning - HERE. The hold grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here & now." - Ann Voskamp

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all curcumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) - God

Pit stop...

It's a beautiful day outside. Just 81 degrees. Twenty degrees cooler than it was two days ago. The oppressive heat has moved on for the time being, and we are enjoying the relief. The windows are open, the breeze moves through, and it's fun to hear the kids chattering outside. They are playing "pit stop"

Two "drive" around on scooters or skates, then stop in for gas, a tire change, or a chance to sit down.


There is no pit crew. Just a one-man-machine. And he takes his job very seriously. He gets frustrated if they take off again too soon. "I didn't even get to change that tire!"

I love that even though they're growing up so fast...they still take time to play, to pretend.

This weekend has been a "pit stop" for me. A chance to stop. To take a moment and get my "tank" refilled. To let these tired feet slow down. To give my mind a chance to rest.

Saturday was spent making the most out of 24 hours loving on my nephew & being blessed by my sister-friend. I left filled up. And not just with yummy monster cookies & delicious Southwest chicken! Filled with conversation, connection, encouragement...emotionally & spiritually.

Today is a day for resting. For reading. For reflecting. For enjoying this little "pit stop" from God.

Seeking routine...

It's the start of week #3 and I'm trying to find some "routine" in my day-to-day. I want to know what is on the schedule for today & what to expect tomorrow.

Let's be real here. I have control issues, people.

I like having a place for everything...and everything in its place. That works fine in a classroom with neatly labeled boxes and zippered baggies, but life is another story.

Not matter how much I schedule, organize, and prepare, I will never really be able to know what today holds or what tomorrow will bring. Despite my futile efforts to do so! And for someone who always has something to do, people to see...it's really hard to sit still & wait on the Lord.

"Demonstrate your TRUST in me by sitting quietly in My Presence. Put aside all that is waiting to be done and refuse to worry about anything. This sacred time together strengthens you and prepares you to face whatever the day will bring. By waiting with Me before you begin the day's activities, you proclaim the reality of My living Presence...doing countless unnecessary activities will dissipate your energy. When you spend time with Me, I restore your sense of direction. As you look to Me for guidance, I enable you to do less, but accomplish more." (-Jesus Calling pg. 252)

THIS is the routine I must desperately seek.

Resting...

Yesterday was our FIRST day of school & my first day of teaching. It was a great day & I'm excited about what God has in store for the year ahead.

So glad it was only a half day!! By the time I got home, I was so exhausted & crashed for a nap. I joked with Phil - if I was this tired after a half day, what am I going to do next week?!?! I'm thankful that "down-time" is part of our schedule. I think we'll all benefit from a chance to stretch out, as we listen to a story.

I realize that getting back into the routine of working full-time will take some adjusting. Last night I started feeling overwhelmed with all the things that need to be "accomplished", almost to the point of panic. (How can I do this? I'm too weak! It's impossible!) This morning I read this great reminder about the need for Simplicity. And that reminded me that I needed to spend a little time with the One who is in all & above all that happens in my life. Today's reminder from Jesus Calling was just what I needed to hear...

Come to Me when you are weak and weary. Rest snugly in my everlasting arms. I do not despise weakness, My child. Actually, it draws Me closer to you, because weakness stirs up My compassion - My yearning to help. Accept yourself in your weariness, knowing that I understand how difficult your journey has been.

Do not compare yourself with others, who seem to skip along their life-paths with ease. Their journeys have been different from yours, and I have gifted them with abundant energy. I have gifted you with fragility, providing opportunities for your spirit to blossom in My Presence. Accept this gift as a sacred treasure delicate, yet glowing with brilliant Light. Rather than struggling to disguise or deny your weakness, allow Me to bless you richly through it.

For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken,” says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

- Isaiah 54:10

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

- Romans 8:26

Pausing...

Summer is a busy time.

Little bodies are active and little brains are chock full of creative ideas - like fort building, weapon making, dress designing, molding, drawing, cutting, gluing...

It's often hard to appreciate the creativity when all I can see is the mess that's left behind... But today. Today I choose to pause. Today I choose to revel in the creativity, and ignore the mess. Today I thank God for these little minds.

And if I'm completely honest...

Today I'm glad that these precious children are learning responsibility and are old enough to clean up their own "creative chaos"...

So that this momma can put her feet up & pause just a little longer...

Summer vacation...

Yay for summer vacation & simple motivators to get the kids helping around the house.

And thank you, Netflix, for instant streaming of Phineas & Ferb! ;)

Yes, I use TV as a reward & motivator. Why do you ask?

Today...

"Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us. Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom. Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance." - Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:5

"But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God..."
- 2 Corinthians 1:9

"always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." - Ephesians 5:20

Morning drive...

I love my morning drive to work.

My little guy falls back asleep about 30 seconds after he's strapped in his car seat & it's wonderfully peaceful in the car. Some mornings I relish in the silence. Other mornings I crank the radio. I have to admit, it's a little ridiculous how many times I've been brought to tears listening to Chris Tomlin or "Light up the Sky" by The Afters, as I watch the sun rise.
It's not church, or devotions, or Bible study, but it's sacred. Just me & God on my way to work. Oh, and my little guy...forgot he was sleeping back there!

This morning I heard this song from Francesca Battistelli & it made me smile. I could so relate to what she was singing. And the catchy little tune had me hooked. I decided the $0.99 download was totally worth it...

This is the Stuff
- by Francesca Battistelli

I lost my keys
In the great unknown
And call me please
'Cause I can't find my phone

This is the stuff
That drives me crazy
This is the stuff
That's getting to me lately
In the middle of my littleness
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff
That gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust
You know exactly what You're doing
Might not be what I would chose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines
While I'm running behind

This is the stuff...

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's NOT the end of the world!

This is the stuff...

Long day...

Today was a rough day. Let's just say that between caring for my little "charge", unnecessary "drama" at work, and sorting through other issues, I was emotionally drained by the afternoon & still had several hours to go before the end of my work day. I put my little guy down for his nap & thanked God once again that I have that hour away from everything else to "regroup" & refocus. I popped in my earphones & soon this song was playing. I played it again & again...

How Can I Keep From Singing
- by Chris Tomlin

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring
And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the Rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing!

I will lift my eyes in the darkest night for I know my Savior lives
And I will walk with You, knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

How can I keep from singing...

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And I fall down again
I can sing 'cause you pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause you hear me, Lord,
When I'm calling You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know that I'll sing
With the angels and the saints around the throne

How can I keep from singing...

Locks of Love...

Today we decided it was time.

Time to cut off these beautiful locks of long, lucious hair.

Time for a little change and a gift of love.

I'm proud of my sweet girl for sacrificing her precious hair for a child who has none.

Delectation...

Yesterday we drove to the city to watch our kids compete in a Speech competition. We were able to sit in on all of their speeches & were fairly bursting with pride by the time they were finished. They've worked hard & memorized well - for their competition last month with their classmates, and yesterday with other students from around the state.


When we choose to send our kids to HCS, we had no idea that after 5 years many of these people would be more important than "community", and would become "family". These goofy girls, soon to graduate to junior high, have been hanging out together since 1st grade...

After the competition, we stayed the night at a hotel. It was the perfect "mini-vacation" and the kids are asking when we can do it again! Getting to swim, stay up late, drink hot cocoa, enjoy complimentary cookies before supper, shop clearance sales, eat out, jump on the beds, sleep in, and eat way too much for breakfast was luxurious!

And what vacation would be complete without everyone's dreams and desires being fulfilled? Phil dreamed about his bees the whole drive home...so we stopped to say "hello" and see how they were doing.

Winter Wonderland

Before our snow from last week had a chance to all melt, Phil & the kids piled up as much as they could, packed it down tight, and carved out the inside to make their own little igloo. They even had a "camp-out" last Saturday night...until Phil decided it was too tight with 3 kids & 1 daddy to sleep there the whole night.

Then their momma bear had a "freak out" & insisted her lil' cubs would NOT be sleeping in an ice structure all night long by themselves, as she envisioned cave-ins, suffocation, or midnight mayhem when one of them woke up & didn't remember where he was...


I know, I'm a fun-hater. BUT even their daddy admitted, the air was getting a little stale & he was worried about them not getting enough oxygen.

They've recently installed air holes to rectify the problem.

This will not prevent me from freaking out.

But I'll breathe deeply, pray a little, and trust their daddy to take care of them.


Before yesterday's big storm, they installed a door to keep out the snow...


...checking to make sure it's all okay in there.

"I can't open my eyes, Mom! It's too BRIGHT out here!!"

Feb...brrrr...ary

We've started this month off with a "blizzard" - Oklahoma style.

Not much snow, but LOTS of gusting wind!

Phil took the 3 youngest to the sledding hill to slide down at least once before the wind blows it all away. Abbie & I are making homemade hot cocoa & chili, because that's what seems appropriate for a day like today. The gas heater is going strong in the living room, and the patio door in the kitchen in one big sheet of ice. The cat has spent the morning sitting on the window sill, flicking his tail, watching the chickadees and house finches eating out of the feeder in the backyard, and yearning for a tasty lunch of his own.

I'm enjoying our "blizzard" and hoping it lasts another day...

Monday...

I’m in my kitchen frying pancakes. Frying pancakes is a mindless activity and my brain is going bloggy bananas. So I found a laptop (Thank you, Dad, for your hand-me-downs!) and my mind is beginning to relax.

We were all little disappointed this morning that school wasn’t cancelled. It was snowing, but the roads weren’t bad enough to justify a snow day. But Phil made up for it by arriving home shortly after we did. His excitement was contagious, and we all loaded up in the van & headed to “the sledding hill”, which isn’t really a hill at all, but a highway overpass. This is the first year we’ve had real sleds. We’ve always had make-shift sleds – pieces of cardboard, trays, cookie sheets, anything flat or smooth that we think will work. But we found a great deal on saucer sleds before Christmas & the boys were excited to try out their gifts. Especially since snow in Oklahoma is a rare thing!

An hour later, the kids were happy, rosy-cheeked and tired, and I felt refreshed after some much needed quiet time in the van. Phil went back to work to tie up loose ends, the kids got busy on homework, and I tackled the mess in my kitchen.

The pancakes are just about done…and I am too. An empty brain and a full stomach bring balance to life.

Leaks are not fun...

...but thankfully, I'm married to a man who knows what to do to fix them.

As we were cleaning up from our leak, we chuckled to find our son had stopped his - by stuffing Kleenex up his nose shortly before falling asleep.

Daniel's birthday

We had an extended birthday celebration this weekend. On Friday we had pizza, ice cream, and presents! I got a kick out of his giggles with each present he opened & sheer delight over a dollar store item!

I baked his cake Saturday morning & he had fun decorating it himself. Thanks, Grammie, for a great cake book! It, along with the birthday plate, have become steady traditions in our home.

Saturday night we had friends over for supper - sloppy joes & sweet potato fries. We laughed through ToyStory 3 and at the kids doing the "Paso Doble" afterwards! Thanks Jess, Sam, & Jake for coming to celebrate with your "cousins". ;)