What ever happened to my idealistic dreams of being a "mommy", of wearing a cute apron while baking chocolate chips cookies? The day I brought our daughter home from the hospital, I woke up to discover the reality that being a mom is a LOT of work...too much work sometimes. And there are always more things to get done than there are hours in the day. Life is busy. There's no way around it.
My problem is that I believe the lie that a Mom should be able to "do it all, do it all right, and do it all right now." I juggle several balls in the air: wife, mom, laundress, cook, housekeeper, secretary, etc. And like a crazy woman, I keep adding more and more responsibilities & committees, without taking anything away. I would like to think that I can be supermom, but my overcommitment is killing me.
One of my favorite books, Real Moms, talks about this:
CAUSE/MOTIVATION: "Meeting needs makes us feel loved, important, like we matter. Another reason we struggle with overcommitment is a deep down desire for value. Doing lots of stuff makes us feel like we're worth something. Accomplishment equals value. Another reason is...we think we're supposed to. We can relate to the mom who concludes, 'We try to squeeze Martha Stewart expectations into a McDonald's time frame."
PROBLEM: "When we overcommit, we lose our balance. Just living with this tension takes its toll. We're constantly feeling tired and get angrier more quickly. We have shorter fuses. We build up resentment in ourselves and in our family members. We forget how to have fun..."
SOLUTION: "We find balance when we choose between ourselves and others (attention to our emotional & spiritual needs is important)...when we choose between good and good enough...(and) when we choose between today & tomorrow. What can we do today because it won't be there for us to do tomorrow?"
I know it is something I will struggle with on a continual basis, but I'm learning...that it's okay to say "no", reading books to my boys is more important than a clean bathroom, a mopped floor only stays clean for 2 minutes BUT washing it weekly...or monthly...or yearly is good enough, no one has a clean house unless company's coming over, using paper plates now & then will not destroy the environment, accepting help from other moms is necessary, and taking care of my spiritual & emotional needs is important.
2 comments:
Here's a poem someone gave to me. It's a good reminder for me of what's really important!
Excuse This House
Some houses hide the fact that children live there,
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere.
For smears are on the windows, tiny smudges on the doors,
I should apologize I guess, for toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with the children,
and we played and laughed and read.
Even though the doorbell doesn’t shine,
their eyes will shine instead.
At times I’m forced to choose,
the one job or the other,
I want to be a housewife, but first
I’ll be a Mother.
Author Unknown
I don't know what your problem is...according to Adam, all that us women do is eat bonbons and watch soaps while our husbands are at work. :)
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